By Michelle Carr
Trust, like love, this word gets thrown around a lot. I trust you. You trust me? Can I trust you? Can you trust me? Sometimes it is said with the full meaning and intention behind it. Other times it is said lightly almost as if the person doesn’t understand the full meaning of the word, but knows it will make them look good to use it. What does it mean to trust someone … The dictionary tells us that it is something committed and entrusted into ones care for their use or safekeeping. That can mean a lot of things, one thing in particular is someone’s heart, their affections. To say I trust you and mean it can be a very hard task. It can be especially hard to those who have been hurt emotionally. Most people fall into two categories with this, they are either open with the trust or closed off from it.
The closed off person has most likely been hurt and hurt badly, maybe once, maybe several times. Their reaction to this is to build walls around themselves. These walls have slammed up, tall and strong. They keep everyone around them at a safe distance never letting anyone get too close. Never letting anyone see the truly beautiful person they are inside. Because if they did this, they would open themselves up to a chance of being hurt. The fear of the potential hurt makes them keep to themselves. Sometimes allowing only a few very persistent people in. Those persistent people, who continued to chisel at their walls, not giving up until they are allowed in. And once in, they may not even be truly in. The walled person is always scared that they may need to run once more. Sometimes the closed ones end up all alone, after having shut everyone who cares out.
Then there is the person that is open with their trust. They offer it to anyone and everyone. You get it for free. Not a problem. But don’t prove them wrong for offering it to you. Don’t take that gift and stomp on it. Because if you do, these people throw the wall up too, but this time it’s only against you. It may take but one time and you’re done, untrustworthy. Other times they may try and give you the benefit of the doubt, offering you multiple chances to prove them wrong. Chances, that is, until you hit the point of no return. By then it’s too late, the wall that was slowly building brick by brick with every heartache finally crashes into place. The difference with this wall compared to the other above is this wall has been placed with their experience with you. This wall is a lot harder to get through, almost impenetrable.
I see myself as the latter of the two. As a little girl, my mother often told me about her mother, my grandmother. She was this wonderful saint of a woman that I was never lucky enough to meet. But she too had a big heart, and welcomed everyone in. My mother told me that her mom always looked for the best in people. That no matter what, she believed deep down there was goodness there in everyone. Some people may look on this as naivety or weakness. To me, this was beautiful. To be able to look past everything else about a person and try to help them see the goodness in themselves that you see, inspired me. I want to be that person. So I enter every relationship with a line of respect and trust. I will give and give without question. Loving you for who you are. I will trust you and help you as much as I can. I will be your best friend, your loudest cheerleader, your shoulder, and confidante. But once you start to prove to me that I’m wrong, I start to place that wall. I don’t like doing it. I don’t like believing that it is needed. But sometimes it is. And when a person hurts me and those around me too much, the need for protection steps in. I know now, what I didn’t know as a child that even though everyone has it, some people take a long time to find that inner goodness. Some never do. It is not healthy to allow someone to continually crush you. I know now, that sometimes, you have to distance yourself in order to keep yourself. Though this is not something I enjoy doing, it’s just necessary.
In the end, I’m me and I’m always going to offer trust and friendship up right away. I would rather do that and be proven wrong, than to not have ever experienced true friendship. Though my heart may take some hard hits along the way, I am completely blessed by those who are indeed true. I am very grateful to be trusted and loved as well by the wonderful people who have never made that wall appear. Those relationships are ones I wouldn’t trade for the world.
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