By: Michelle Carr
If you were to ask me what word I hear the most when people describe me, it is NICE. “You are so nice, and sweet.” Most times it is said with a tone that implies I could never be thought to be the slightest bit unkind. That I’m so nice, I would be one of the first people to die during a zombie apocalypse because I would be TOO nice to kill even a zombie. (Please quite trying to bite me Mr. Zombie. I don’t like that. *giggles*) And while it feels amazingly good to be thought of as nice (I do so strive to be kind to everyone), I feel there are a lot of misconceptions that go along with it.
I feel like I’m looked at sometimes as being somewhat fake, or not real. Because who could be real and possibly care this much about hurting others? Who honestly takes the time to cool off before approaching a situation that makes them angry so that they don’t use words they don’t mean to try and prove their point? Who goes through life trying to keep love in their words instead of anger? Who seeks peace instead of the fight? Does doing these things, trying to live a life of compassion, understanding and not anger or negativity make me any less REAL? NO, I don’t believe they do. I decided a long time ago that I wanted to be someone who was kind, who made people feel good about themselves. I choose to try and look for the good in others. I wanted to build people up, not tear them down. I have never understood the need to make someone feel lower than you are. I have never understood the need to destroy someone. I am not one who goes looking for a fight. I am not one who starts fights just to feel … whatever. I don’t like myself when I’m angry. I don’t like that person. I can’t think as clearly or say what I am trying to really convey when I am as such. I can’t imagine that a lot of people enjoy feeling angry. It’s not a good feeling to hold that rage inside, it’s not a good feeling to let it loose on anyone either. So because of this, I don’t like to be the cause of another’s anger either.
I can remember being a kid and not caring one iota of what someone looked like or what they were wearing, or even who they were friends with. I remember just wanting to play, and it didn’t matter with whom, I played with everyone. So I did just that, played and laughed without any judging. Sometimes fighting over sharing issues ‘cause we were kids, but mainly it was good old fashion fun. It was innocent, beautiful and pure. Then at some point, I think for me it was around the fifth grade there was a shift. People started grouping into clicks that weren’t open to everyone. This kinda confused me because I never understood why you would feel the need to separate like that. So I just did my own thing. Tried to be friends with everyone, just as I had always done. All through high school I kept on this same path. I did have people I hung with every day, but I was also friends with whomever else was interested in being friends with me. I remained that girl who didn’t care what you looked like or what you had. It had always been how you treated me and others and remains as such today. I am interested in the person you are on the inside. I very much want to hold on to that little girl’s compassion toward others that everyone is worthy of my kindness.
But then I run into those who view my being nice as a weakness, they think of me as timid or someone they can walk on. This is a complete misconception. I am very laid back, being that it does take quite a bit to get me to an anger point. Though that by no means makes me timid or weak. I can get angry just like everyone else and when it comes to standing up for what I believe in, I am one of the strongest people you will meet. I am very capable of putting up a fight when I need to. I simply chose to do so selectively and not let every little thing get me to a boiling point. I live my life in a way that most disagreements are settled in discussions. When I am angry I allow myself to cool down so that I can approach things from a calmer more intellectual and compassionate place. I don’t believe this makes me weak by any means. Being able to control myself and not blindly succumb to my emotions, makes me feel like a stronger person. Likewise, I do not allow myself to be walked on. I will give and give and give some more. I am more than willing to lend a helping hand and ask for nothing in return. I am happy to do so, this is me. But if I start to feel that my efforts aren’t appreciated, my work disrespected or that I am being used then I am done. I will still be there if you ever really need me but I won’t eagerly help with everything you need as I would have before.
On the opposite side, I know I’m not perfect. I know that I have hurt others with my words. And though I try not to let it, the anger can over take me at times. This is still a work in progress with me. Something I work very hard to control. And I know that I can’t walk through life without making people angry at me, especially since I choose not to live in the box of conformity. I know that there will always be someone that doesn’t understand me or agree with me and that’s fine. Just because I’m not like you doesn’t make me any less me. We are made to be different, our differences make us beautiful. This nice but very strong person accepts that fact. I know there will be those who don’t take the time to get to know the real me, yet will offer their opinions of my actions. And I know that nothing I say will change their minds. I know that all I can do is continue to be the person I really am, the person who I am happy with being. Those who truly care, will love me for me and not try to make me be something that I am not.
Being real to me means mainly being comfortable with yourself and your actions. Being true to that the inner voice inside of you and listening to it. It’s being honest, not necessarily brutally honest because seriously who wants to live in the Candor Faction where there is no thought to anyone’s feelings? But still honest all the same. It’s about being happy with who you are and saying you know what, this is me. Take it or leave it this is what you get. It’s saying hey I do this, I’m not perfect and I accept that. I accept that I’m a work in progress and I am open to change. Being real is being able to look at yourself, admitting to the things you’ve done wrong and being willing to fix it if need be. Being real is very simply put, just being you. Because there is no one in the world like you and there is someone or maybe many someones who need you and the person that YOU are. Don’t be afraid to let your inner light shine, even if it is misunderstood. There is someone out there who will need your light.
