By: Michelle Carr
I have loved tattoos for a while. The spectacular art, the way they allow you to express yourself, the message they can share. But there was always two things that held me back. One being the permanence, I could never decide on what I would be okay with having on my body for the rest of my life. If you don’t choose wisely then you could later come to hating it and that is not something I wanted to do. Second was the nervousness of the potential pain. I have never been in love with needles. My feelings towards them are quite the opposite actually. I hate needles. I am definitely one who never looks when blood is taken or even when I get a shot. Epidural needle? Dude NO, don’t show me that! Bravest thing I have ever done regarding needles, to this point in my life, was get my belly button pierced. That lasted like two seconds and I didn’t ask to hear details on that one either. So I kept shying away from the idea of getting a tattoo myself.
Then because of my love of Thirty Seconds to Mars, I was introduced the Echelon family. This family is full of creative, intelligent and wonderful people. I have been completely motivated and inspired by the family I have met along the way. The Triad, symbol of the Echelon, has become a symbol of love and inspiration to me to follow my dreams. Every time I see the Triad I feel energized, ready to attack whatever I am working on. I feel loved and accepted for who am I. We are all misfits who have found a special connection together. I find myself drawing this symbol on everything. So after very little debate, I decided that the Triad would be perfect for me to have as a tattoo. I knew it would be one that I would never get tired of seeing. I decided to put it on the inside of my wrist so that I could see it all the time. It could be my motivation and inspiration while I am writing. My constant reminder to never stop moving towards my goals. To push myself harder and higher to achieve my dreams.
Okay so now I have my tattoo idea, step one check. But step two…fear of needles. Yeah, there is no getting past that fear unless I just do it. So I save my cash, get a place to go picked out and made an appointment. And my appointment ends up being on Friday the 13th. I am so not sure how I feel about this… It could be really good or really bad. My husband takes the day off and goes with me. He is completely stoked as well. We were told I should eat lunch before and bring juice. So we follow the instructions and go to lunch. My stomach is beginning to turn. How could I possibly eat? I about ready to sit for an hour as somebody stabs me repeatedly in the wrist with a needle. God what was I thinking? What if he starts and the pain is too unbearable and I end up with a crazy looking line or dot? My mind is whirling and I try to eat my food but it doesn’t taste as good as it normally does. I try and push the thoughts out of my head. I’m doing this damn it. I want this.
After lunch, we head to the tattoo parlor. I may appear totally calm at this point on the outside but on the inside, I am freaking out. We go inside and it is cool as hell in there, with random pictures, skate boards and such covering the walls. I fill out my paperwork with a shaking hand as my husband makes small talk with the lady behind the counter. Her husband is the artist who will be torturing me. Oh God!!! Okay deep breathes at this point. My tormentor appears from the back. “Are ready for this?” He asks. “No” replies the small voice in my head. I deny it and out loud reply “Yes! I’m really excited. Nervous, but excited.” Which is true too but I don’t want to show how nervous I really am. My heart pounds as I hang up my coat and follow him down the hall to the torture chamber.
The room has amazing feel to it. Maroon paint coats the walls and a wooden hutch leans against the wall. Said hutch holds his supplies. There were cotton balls and other random unidentifiable objects in glass jars on the uncovered shelf. It literally looks like I have stepped into a torture chamber that was designed to look inviting. I set down my hand purse and Gatorade in the chair that’s in corner of the room. Swallowing, I turn and face the artist. He is kind looking with a tee over his long sleeve grey shirt. His tattoos peeking out of his clothes gives you the impression that he loves his work. With his stocking hat, glasses and greying beard he has the appearance of someone who had just stepped off a boat. He had a paper in his hand with my Triad drawn on it. “This is the one you want right?” I nod, trying to hide the fact that I am now shaking. The picture he had also had the symbols that stood for Thirty Seconds to Mars underneath it. It did look really cool but I knew he had said the Triad would take an hour and I was nervous about it going into the time we needed to go get my kids. So I choose just to do the Triad this time around. Showed him the direction that I want it and he warns me that that symbol seen in reverse was one used for a different meaning. He says he does that one all the time and I may want to think on it while he makes the stencil. He steps away and I look at my husband. It really didn’t bother me if people took it the other way, I tell my husband so. He says “It’s up to you.” I knew that I really wanted the Triad pointing up when I looked at it. Telling me to reach for the stars. With the decision having been made, we take a quick pretattoo photo.
The artist comes back and I tell him that I am staying with my original choice. He then begins to shave the spot on my wrist with a Bic razor. Ouch this spot has never been shaved before and I grimace as the very fine unnoticeable hairs disappear. Then he sprays my wrist and places the stencil. It quickly transfers onto my skin like a child’s tattoo. I check out the placement as I sit down into the reclining black leather seat. It is perfect. My husband stands ready and posed with the camera and I’m thinking pictures taken when I’m in pain may not be such a good idea. The artist sets up his equipment and I am fine, that is until I heard the soft hum of the needle begin. This sound is all too uncomfortably like the sound of a dentist drill. “Oh God!” I squirm in my seat. I glance at my husband who mouths “It’s okay” at me. Another deep breath, I can do this, I can do this. I hand over my wrist…. it starts
Slightly uncomfortable but not too terribly bad. Okay I can do this, I can definitely do this. The artist starts talking about 30STM, he says he doesn’t listen to them because he is a dude. I’m like really guy? I reply “Well at least they aren’t a boy band” and he gives me a look like yes they are. I’m thinking at this point that it’s not wise to piss off a person who has a needle in your arm. But at the same time I am like dude, obviously I like them and I didn’t tell you that your music sucks. But once again needle, so I try and make lite of it. He keeps talking and my husband joins in. I begin to ignore the back and forth as he starts in on the side that is directly below my thumb. This hurts like a mother and I am so determined not to show it. I breathe in deeply and look around for something else to focus on. In front of me there is a black and white picture of a girl with redrum written underneath in weird lettering. All I could think of is Danny from the Shining saying redrum so I kept repeating it in between curse words in my head. And before I know it, I am done.
“There you go.” He says “You are officially the biggest Thirty Seconds to Mars fan I have ever met.” And now that I no longer have a needle in my arm I proceed to tell him. “It’s not just the band. It’s the family who have formed from the love of the band. The Echelon. They are some of the most creative and caring people I know. We are full of writers, artists and dreamers. They have inspired and motivated me to once again follow my dreams.” He grows somber and asks. “And are you doing that? Following your dreams?” I reply, “Yes I am, I’m a writer. I am working on a book and have started a blog. And this Triad is my reminder to keep pushing myself further.” He nods “Well good.” And gives me a smile. It now holds a look of understanding. He begins to tell us a bit about his crazy life from before and that he is working on a book himself. And I find that even those who may not understand it all, may understand part of the message.
It has now been a week since I took my leap into tattoodom. I’m still in love with my Triad and so far it has done for me exactly what I thought it would. I am so very happy with the choice I made. Now I only have to find the time to go back for the symbols underneath. Be brave my friends, don’t be afraid to do those things that you dream of doing, even if they scare you. For it is not until you challenge yourself and overcome the fear, that will you find your true happiness.
