By: Michelle Carr
Why do I want to be a writer? Why write stories? Why blog? Why is blogging so important to me? These are questions that many people have asked me. And believe me, I have asked myself these same questions many times. I just normally do it when I’m lying in bed, wondering if my words sound sophomoric and repetitive. The only answer I have is one that someone gave me once, you don’t choose to write, writing chooses you.
My realization of this love, happened when I was about nine years old. I was a skinny, short curly haired girl, who wore glasses. I was the complete nerd package, in every form of the word. (I still am but that is beside the point) We had this assignment. We were supposed to write a play for students in the class to read and perform. I decided to write my own version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I remember that I wanted to make people laugh so I set out to make it humorous. Basically, I wrote a parody of the story, before I really even knew what a parody was. Soon came the time for mine to be read and acted out in front of the class. I was so excited, nervous and petrified all at the same time. They started... My heart raced as I listened. I watched in amazement as my work was transformed into live action. To my surprise and joy, the class laughed at all the right places. It suddenly became very clear to me that this was what I wanted to do more than anything in the world. I knew that I wanted to reach people with my words. Though I didn’t completely understand everything that a writer is capable of at that age, I knew I loved entertaining people with my words.
All through my years of education, I held onto the dream of being a writer. I loved the times when we were allowed to create our own stories. I never shied away from essays or term papers. I was never at a loss of words. I always found writing to be an easy task and enjoyed filling a page. I had many instances where I had received praise and positive feedback on something that I had written. But no matter how often I was told my words had made an impression, I always found myself surprised by praise. I was thrilled they enjoyed my work but could never understand why they did. All I knew is that I loved writing. I loved spinning stories and seeing someone enjoy them.
Then life got in the way, as it so often does to many of us dreamers. I found myself more focused on other things in life. And even though those things brought me such joy and happiness, I began to lose touch with that part of myself that had once shone so brightly. I often found myself disagreeing with things in the world around me. I would feel great frustration in that my voice wasn’t big enough to make the difference, to bring change. I couldn’t seem to shake this need, this indescribable growing ache to create something. Something that would touch people and I simply couldn’t do it. I felt like I was suffocating, drowning under an invisible tide in a vast ocean. I worked in a financial office and I loved the people but my work often left me bored and unsatisfied. I never felt as though I was doing anything to create a positive change in the world. And that’s what I wanted more than anything to do. I felt like I was stuck where I was, and the dreams that I had held of being a writer were dead. That my inner voice had been hushed for far too long to ever talk to me again.
You hear all the time to “Dream big and follow your dreams!” I had honestly thought that that time for me had passed. But my life slowly began to change when I starting meeting people who were doing just that. People who were afraid as well, and yet were determined to make their dreams a reality. That sort of motivation is inspiring and contagious. With this inspiration, I decided to make a change. To do as they were, to live my life in pursuit of my dreams. I was a stay-at-home mom now, so there were fewer excuses. The excuse of not enough time could no longer be a crutch. I started doing little projects with kids, trying to jolt the creative side of me awake. And then it happened, a story started coming to me like a dream in the night. Using a pencil, I wrote it all down in several notebooks. Feeling such happiness as my words filled the pages. Falling in love with the world I created, I finally felt like I could breathe again. My voice inner voice had returned with a gusto!
I feel so blessed to be able to reconnect with that part of me that had been silenced for so long. I know that I am not the only one who had given up on their dreams in pursuit of other life goals. Part of the reason I started this blog was to pay it forward. I wanted to spread the inspiration and motivation that I have been given onto others. Now, I’m not going to advise everyone to just stop what you’re doing and only follow your dreams. But I will tell you that it is never too late to take those steps towards your true happiness! Never give up on your dreams! Even if you only take a few steps each day, small steps add up. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow but one day you will get there. And that day will be one of the best days of your life. Provehito in Altum my friends!
