What about Love?

By Michelle Carr

 I often find that the words come easiest to me when I feel a strong need to express myself. Yet sometimes even though I have all of the words, a topic still isn’t easy to express. This is one of those times. But this matter has weighed heavily on my heart for a long time and seeing the escalation of a certain movements, I feel once again that I need to speak out. This is a matter of hate and oppression.

  So the 411 on myself, for those who do not know, I’m a blonde, blue eyed, typical looking Caucasian. The only types of oppression I have ever felt had to deal with are my age, gender and well my stances at times. But personally, I have had it far easier than a lot of people have, so I’m not here to talk about my issues. I do, however, have a strong sense of empathy for others and their pain. I can’t fully tell you why or what makes me different from those who don’t understand why people are still hurting. Maybe it’s because I starting reading books like Gone with the Wind in grade school for pleasure. Maybe it’s because the lessons I chose to keep from church were that of love everyone and to treat others with compassion as Jesus would do. Maybe it’s because as a writer and avid reader, I dive into characters, I become them. I feel what they feel and experience what they experience. So when someone tells me how they’ve been mistreated I literally imagine myself as them and how badly it must hurt to have gone through such things. Because of such, I am continuously baffled by those who continue to spread such hate. I find myself in utter disbelief when people tell me that I’m a bigot (and many other unsavory names) because I don’t support their unacceptance of others and that I need to change my point of view. But here is my truth, I will never see what I do as simply being politically correct. I see it as treating others with respect and not judging them on whom they love, what they look like, what gender they identify with, or how they do or do not worship. These characteristics are who they are and don’t hurt anyone else so why are others so concerned with them? I strive to spread love and have compassion for fellow humans and I will choose that over hate EVERY DAY.  

  Charlottesville’s tragedy has made my heart ache terribly. And sadly with most of our red state television’s tuned into one news station, I don’t believe many know the real story. They only see the spin that some would have you believe. But did you know it all started because Charlottesville’s City Council voted in favor of removing the Robert E Lee statue? But that there were some that were using a bill written in 1998 that forbids local government from removing, damaging or defacing war monuments. There has been some debate on the ambiguity of this bill and whether it applies to the Lee statue since it was clearly written after the statue was built. So the Judge issued an injunction preventing the removal of the Lee Statue until the lawsuit played out. A group of white-nationalists decided they were going to protest the City Council’s decision in what they called a “Unite the Right” rally. (Let that name …sink… in)  Come the evening of August 11th two groups of anti-protestors of the Unite the Right formed. One group met inside a church to hold a meeting of peace and love. The second group surrounded the Lee Statue. The alt-right activists now came into the picture carrying torches. They crossed the campus and surrounded the church. This type of intimidation was all too often used in the past and terrified the people inside. The protestors chanted outside of the church “One people, one nation end immigration.” The frightened people inside the church were kept inside for their protection by the police and they began tweeting to those on the outside. One of the alt- right marchers tweeted out too and is recorded in this article. https://www.google.com/amp/metro.co.uk/2017/08/12/white-supremacists-carrying-torches-surround-church-during-alt-right-rally-6847162/amp/

“Don’t make the white kids angry. #UniteTheRight #Charlottesville.” 

  The Unite the Right protestors also surrounded those who had gathered at the Lee statue and screamed at them repeatedly that “White Lives Matter!” None of the many reports I have read gave tell of the anti-protestors taking violent action against the alt-right unless it was in a defensive move. But I have read and seen many accounts of weekend and it was the alt-right that were the aggressors each time. It was the alt- right that pushed, tripped and kicked a Unicorn Riot reporter. It was a man from the alt- right that walked up to an anti- protester pulled out his gun, tried to fire at him point blank andrealized he didn’t have a bullet in the chamber. I watched him fix his gun, aim again lower this time at the anti-protestor and fire. This was done in front of police who failed to stop the man who fired his weapon. Another witness caught on video a young man of dark skin who happened to appear at the wrong place at the wrong time. It looked like it was a parking garage full of alt-righters who carried shields and weapons and who were dressed in armor. The cowards attacked this young man who only carried a backpack on his back. They beat him with shields and weapons, knocking him to the ground and attacking him all together at once. He managed to get up, blooded and tried to run away before he fell down and was pounced upon again. I dare you to tell me that this young unarmed boy was that much of a threat to this twenty or more group of armed protected cowards.

  The most known about act of the weekend happened during a peaceful march. The anti-protestors were marching, some were in the street. (I am not sure if they were crossing or marching the street. Sometimes street marching is permitted.) A man drove a car through the people and plowed into the line of cars that had been moving slowly with the group. This caused a chain reaction; making cars to hit the cars in front of them, squash and hit pedestrians, as well as throwing some into the air. The driver reversed out as quickly as he had driven in. This action injured a dozen marchers and killed Heather Heyer. The man arrested for the crime is an alt-right supporter. The facts are very clear on who the aggressors were during this weekend. Even the Mayor himself expressed that he was seeing a parade of hatred, bigotry, racism and intolerance march down the lawns of the architect of our Bill of Rights. With all the acts of violence this “Unite the Right” rally was deemed unlawful at one point and yet the people continued to violate the orders to cease. Many warrants were issued for the original ralliers including the man who allegedly drove the car.

https://www.google.com/amp/amp.timeinc.net/time/charlottesville-white-nationalist-rally-clashes/%3fsource=dam

  Now the kicker of all of this is that even though the facts clearly show what happened that weekend, Trump (current occupier of the White House) made three very odd and kind of confusing speeches. During the first speech he tipped toed around what was obviously clear, that these aggressive actions were crimes of hate perpetrated by the alt- right. He declared there was “good people on both sides”. So to clarify, some people marching, chanting hate chants, and working with the white supremacists, KKK and Neo- Nazis were “Good People”. People carrying flags with Nazi symbols and heiling could have been “Good People” that were just what … misunderstood? Me thinks they knew exactly what they were doing and meant every moment of it. This first speech well, it received a lot of criticism from a lot of people. But do you know who didn’t criticize it… the leader of the white nationalist group. He spoke highly of the speech and encouraged his people to carry on because Trump didn’t reprimand them so it gives them permission. So now came the second speech. In this speech, Trump changed his tone ever so slightly. Now, to save face, he lightly smacked the alt- right on the hands. He called out the three groups and said we won’t take this in America. This speech gave some a feeling of comfort. Those like me knew better. The white nationalist leader, now begged Trump in tweets to not cave into the Liberals. Don’t let the Liberals tell you what to say and the real kicker of this was the reminder he gave Trump to remember who voted you into office. Now came the third speech in which Trump began to blame the alt- left for the violence. He was like a child complaining that he thought he said everything in his apology that he was supposed to and why oh why am I still being punished? With the blame shifted, the alt-right went back to work planning almost a dozen more rallies. Now they called them “Freedom of Speech” rallies.  And when they were clearly outnumbered by peaceful anti-protesters they hid in gazebos and whined about how frightened they were. (Giant eye roll) Now because of all of this the United Nations sent America a warning that we are showing signs of heading to a civil war. The UNITED NATIONS. Sent a warning the kind that usually goes out to under developed countries as they struggle to set leadership. Think about that. http://shareblue.com/trumps-violent-racism-disgraces-america-earns-rare-early-warning-from-united-nations/

  A shift has begun to happen, more and more people are taking Trump’s argument that the Confederate statues are a part of our history and shouldn’t be touched. (Deep Breath) I am all too familiar with historians and other such writers of important work (Men who wrote the Bible) who conveniently left out or lessened the roles of some people in their retelling. So I firmly believe history should be maintained accurately. We can’t learn from the past if we don’t know how it truly happened. (MASSIVE BUT) The removal of the Confederate statues is not erasing history. They have no place being on school campuses, public parks or in town squares to be glorified as heroes. They fought on the side that pulled out of our country, sought to continue to enslave humans in efforts to better themselves and oh yea they LOST. Their roles will never be forgotten. If the statues are wanted, put them in a museum so those who want to see them can. But don’t leave them out as a daily reminder to some the how horrific we were to their ancestors. Don’t glorify a person who if they had won would’ve kept people in chains longer than they already were. I don’t know what side my ancestors were on during this war. But I can tell you that some of my blood is Native American and I would not tolerate walking by a statue of Custard every day. And think about it, would you be comfortable if it was a Hitler statue? No? Then why should we protect these when the Nazis clearly think it’s so important?

  Tell me why is the preservation of Confederate Statues more of a concern for Trump than preserving our National Monuments. Secretary Zinke has announced he is going to cut back on the size of our National Monuments so they can retrieve fossil fuels from them. So statues of losing generals yes… protecting the Grand Canyon… no. Protecting the Sioux Nations Sacred lands from a leaking pipeline is not worry at all either. But by golly save that statue…I don’t know about you, but I would much rather my children see such places like the Grand Canyon fully intact than to go visit the statue of Robert E Lee.

  I found myself, days later, taking a stand against those who took a leap saying that the pride flag was just as offensive as the confederate flag and shouldn’t be allowed. Some tried to tell me that I didn’t like things flipping back on me since I am a Liberal. Like anyone who stands for the removal of a Confederate statue or flag could possibly compare to a person just not liking to see a pride flag because their religion tells them not to. One of these things is so not like the other. One clearly stands for the side who fought to enslave others and is carried by those who use it as an excuse to hate on people. The other is a symbol of love and the pride in finally being able to express it. What bothered me the most in my attempt to discuss this topic with those who didn’t agree with my stance, was when I was told that “Trump doesn’t do politically correct and this is why we elected him.” And told that I should “Get over it and correct myself.”

  So once again I say being politically correct is not some fake act. It is treating others as you yourself would want to be treated. Some of you should remember that when you are holding your christian flag and screaming about the pride flag that signifies love and acceptance. Try practicing the compassion some of you were taught in church. Because I’m not seeing it used by those who claim the loudest to be holier than thou. I ask myself often where is the compassion for other humans? Where is the common sense? Because if you feel this fight in Charlottesville was really about preserving history then are you also fighting to save the Scared Lands of the Sioux Nation? Bear Ears? Or the Grand Canyon? If you’re not, then you should be asking yourself why? Are you more concerned over a slab of metal shaped into a fallible human than you are over land we can never get back once it’s destroyed? If your answer is yes than my friend your fight has nothing to do with preserving history and you need to rethink your argument.  Ask yourself if you feel good that you are taking the side that the KKK, Neo-Nazi and White supremacists chose? Because that is not a side I would ever want to find myself on. And I’m telling you straight up, we are never ever going to begin to heal these wounds that were inflicted, if we continue to glorify the wrong things. We will never be able to unify, unless we all begin to show compassion for one another as people.

  The hope, I carry with me through all of this, comes from the reminder that there were three million more of us on this end to begin with. I find strength from all the beautiful souls I meet every day who are working to keep this country from stepping back into the age of darkness. People who fight for each other and for our future as a country. The future of our world. People who show and spread love every single day.  Because in the end, couldn’t we all stand to LOVE MORE?

Other sources:

https://www.google.com/amp/amp.timeinc.net/time/4912919/charlottesville-va-robert-e-lee-statue/%3fsource=dam

https://www.google.com/amp/amp.timeinc.net/time/4910203/donald-trump-charlottesville-protest-poll/%3fsource=dam

American Obituary

By: Michelle Carr

 The following is a fictional obituary I wrote, predicting what our world could look like in the event that the House's Current Healthcare plan succeeds to be put into place.  I sent this, accompanied with a letter, to every Senator. 

  It is midnight April 30, 2020 and millions of Americans have passed away. We have never seen such catastrophic amount of deaths in such a short time as this. Their deaths occurred sporadically over the last couple of years. Cause of deaths varied, but all were linked to the loss of insurance coverage and the ability to receive care as they had before under the Affordable Health Care Act. Some, the lucky, passed silently in their sleep after having suffered months or years with no healthcare and no relief from the pain. Others, writhed in agony until their bodies could no longer take the pain and torture their illness inflicted and finally shut down.

  According the reports from the coroners and medical staff, most of the cases could have been prevented or death held off by them having been able to keep the previous health coverage. The previous coverage having been the ACA that the GOP led administration pushed to have repealed and replaced. After speaking with many the surviving family members for their accounts of the deaths, we tend to agree. Though we cannot list every case and cause of each specific death, since there are millions, we can speak in general of those that we had found held repeated similarities.

  Several of the cases were victims of pollution induced Asthma and Cancer. With the limitations of pollution being weakened, their living conditions fell into a pit of toxins. Without the EPA there to protect the rights of the people, the corporations continue on dumping wherever they could save a buck and the people grew sick. Being that Asthma and Cancer are preexisting conditions, the victim’s coverage costs and out of pocket fees were increased to astronomical amounts. Families reported that these amounts were far more than the annual incomes of those in each household could afford. They reached out to the government in need, as the taxpayers pool had been created for such cases. But each only ended up with the same mass reply. Replies that let them know that due to the high volume of requests for aid, the pool was being depleted and they were added to a waiting list. Sadly the waiting without care grew to be longer than they could wait.   

  Many of the cases were results of suicide. Once again, the actually means varied but the cases were similar in that many of the individuals were suffering from a mental health issues. Many had previously been seeking help before the AHCA had been put into effect. Once the law went into place, their visits were no longer covered. They couldn’t afford to pay for sessions on their own, so many had to cancel the visit to their therapists. We have found many of the cases were survivors of sexual assault who had now, under this plan, became listed as having preexisting conditions. Their treatments, like others, fell into the unaffordable range and they were forced to give up the help they so desperately needed. Without the aid of a professional, these Americans fell into a deep depression and some seemed to have extreme anxiety. Many expressed in letters left behind that they simply couldn’t go on this way. One woman’s final letter said: 

          “I had once lived in a world where I woke up every morning and thought to myself this is hard, but I’m still here and I can do this. But the world stopped caring about us. We have been left alone to suffer, our pain is too much for others to bear. Now I find myself not wanting to wake. The darkness is where the pain goes quiet for a short time. I just need it to be quiet.”

Due to her family’s request we must keep her identity anonymous, but her story will remain forever in our hearts and the hearts of those who loved her but weren’t able to help.

  Many other medical atrocities were listed among these lost lives. Each one that had the potential to be spared. Sadly, had the GOP not been so caught up in the hunger to destroy what they had felt was a loss of their previous power, a great many of these American’s would be walking among us today. Many had had the potential to live long productive lives had they just received the proper treatment. But they lost that ability when their rights to healthcare were stripped away and the corporations instead received a tax break. Very few of the family’s told us they that had actually supported the passing of the AHCA. They had listened to their party’s promotion of the plan and thought it made sense. They admitted that once they had placed into practice, when they actually needed it the most, they found that it was not coverage at all. They had paid more out than before and still couldn’t afford to have their loved ones treated. Those families expressed that they if they could go back in time they would’ve chose differently. These Americans we have lost, these mothers, daughters, wives, fathers, sons, and husbands all had a story. A very important story, now their story serves as a reminder to the GOP that they shouldn’t be so quick to act on ego. That listening to their constituents is an important step to being a good leader.

  As a reminder, due to the overflow of deceased and lack of space to bury our loved ones properly, the weekly cremations will be held all day on Friday. We are also reminding everyone that on these days the toxicity levels in the air is extremely high. Please remember to stay indoors as much as possible and if you must go out, where your oxygen mask.

  Families of the deceased have asked that all those wishing to pay their respects please join them at the designated grounds on Memorial Day. Reminder that as of November 2017, bereavement time or US Family Medical leave Act, is no longer honored since funerals have become obsolete. Memorial Day is the designated for the mourning of all our loved ones we have lost throughout the year. This is the one work free day designated by our government for all us to remember and grieve the ones we have lost. Families also ask that any donations be made to the Families Against AHCA Coalition. All donations made help to aid in the legal efforts of the victim’s families who are suing the GOP members who created and voted this heath care into place. Being that each of those Conservative members no longer hold their position in Congress, this suit is for accountability purposes only.

Missing Scruples

Short Story by: Michelle Carr

  Belly clinching, Eric bent over quickly as bile and part of his lunch burned its way in reverse up his throat. The reddish mass landed in the porcelain water filled bowl before him with a resounding splash. This was by far the nicest toilet he had ever used, they had spared no expense, and he was filling it with sick. For a brief break, the urge for his body to evacuate itself lessened and he was able to try and catch his breath. Then despite his need to fight it, his mind traveled back to the news he had been trying to process all day. The news that his efforts had succeeded. All the work he had poured over for the last year had paid off. He should be elated, yet another wave of self-disgust shot through him and the remnants of his lunch made their appearance. This should have been the end of it but his body continued to convulse and gag trying to expel matter that no longer existed. It was as though his body wanted to make sure he was fully punished for his sins. Tears formed in his eyes from the forcefulness of is instant sickness.

  Finally, just as he thought he could no longer take any more, the waves subsided. He spit into the mess he had made, in an effort to clear his mouth from the bitter after taste. Sitting back onto the tiles, he leaned against the stall wall. This normally would have disgusted him, but this bathroom was immaculate minus his mess. It was probably cleaner than his kitchen sink. Plus nothing could possibly make him feel dirtier than he had already managed to make himself feel. He absently wiped his running nose that came along with the tears and vomiting. Closing his eyes he transported himself back to the start. The meeting one year ago that had brought him to this place. This place that many felt was a celebration but that he knew in his gut was a disaster.

                                                            Eric one year ago…

walked into the Bloomberg’s Spirits Presidential office. He had been summoned by the corporation’s leader earlier that day. This was not exactly a comforting request seeing as though things hadn’t been looking great for their sales. Their company was the lead distributor in alcohol in the country. Thanks to the Liberal party taking control of the administration 3 years ago, stricter usage laws had been out into place. One such law was meant to deter drinking and driving. In order to do so, it had been mandated that cars include breathalyzers in them. Before one could put their car into drive the must take a breathalyzer to ensure they hadn’t been drinking. The zero alcohol level police had also been put into place. So if a person registered at all their car wouldn’t allow them to drive. If somehow this system was bypassed (i.e. allowing someone else to take the test) and you were pulled over, your license was immediately revoked and you went straight to jail. With such strict laws in place, people began to drink less and less in public. The hassle of finding a ride instead of waiting until you felt sober enough to drive was a pain. People stayed home. This lead to lower sales at bars, clubs, sporting events Spirits Corporation was suffering.

   Eric was afraid this could very well be his last day. He nervously took a seat across from the President. There was a very welcoming look on his wise face and Eric tried to take comfort in it.

“Eric Turner, I am happy to announce that there is good news forming on your horizon.” He pushed the thick file that sat on the desk between them closer to Eric. Eric carefully took the file in hand and opened it. First thing he saw was a portfolio of the Conservative’s Presidential nominee. It included a picture and brief biography of his alcohol legislation voting records. Whomever had put this together had been very thorough. He looked up from the information in hand, back to his boss who had now moved so he was seated on the corner of the desktop right in front of Eric. “This man,” the president continued, “could very well be our salvation. He hasn’t been in politics long and before them he was a very successful businessman. He very much understands the value of a DOLLAR.” He stressed the last word as if to make sure Eric was clear on the fact that money could influence this candidate’s decisions. Eric understood very well, goosebumps had formed up and down his arms.

  “So you think he will help us?”

  “I think he most certainly will. He is on the main track to win too. He has some very “strong” support out there. If you know what I mean.” The look he sent Eric told him that the rumors had been true. This nominee was connected. Eric silently nodded in response. This was far outside of his comfort zone. “Your job, Eric, will be to start our own campaign. We need to help the people to wake up and see how much freedom the Liberals have taken from them. Remind them of how much fun they used to have before all these rules made them afraid to really live. Help them to see that their fun days have been stripped away by those who have been over reaching while in power. Show them they can get those happy days back. Once our friend is elected, he will have the support of the people as he helps us by reversing these asinine bills. Then everyone will live their lives unafraid to have fun and go out to socialize and drink.”

  “How much…. I mean this could get costly. A campaign like this…”

   “Eric, my man,” His tone changed and Eric could tell he was trying to hide his frustration at the mention of cost. “You don’t need to worry yourself over that. We are all aware that spending some now can help us get back to the greener figures later. You just concern yourself making this a successful run.”

  “I-I-I will do my best sir.” He struggled to spit out the words.  His boss leaned in closer as if to make it comfortingly clear they were in this together but the gesture only made Eric feel slimy.

  “Oh you will. Because your very future here depends on it.” The President went on as a twenty pound bowling ball landed hard on Eric’s stomach. “Refuse or fail in this endeavor and your days here and at any of our sister corporations are done. Because well we would then need to reorganize so to speak. I’m sure you understand. You are a smart man.” He stood up so Eric had to now look up to nod in response. “But you help us end this ridiculous stigma that it’s alcohol that kills people, and…” He gestured his arms wide as if to show the endless possibilities that awaited the answer of his grandiose offer. “You will never have to worry about your financial future again.”

  The bowling ball lifted slightly at those words. Financial security is what most people spent their whole lives trying to achieve. Even though his core told him he would be fighting against a system that had proven to save lives, it was hard to say no to something that could change his whole future for the better. This could very well be the answer to his personal prayers. And really how bad could it be? It wasn’t like people died right and left before. I was just a little rule change. That was all. Right?

                                                             Eric of the now…

 slowly stood up. He carefully adverted making eye contact with the mess in bowl for fear that his sickness would recommence. He flushed the toilet and calmly stepped out of the stall. He was quite lucky that no one had joined him in the restroom area. Luck had recently been on his side unfortunately. That was why he was here. His reflection in the mirror showed a tired looking man in his late twenties. He was pretty average looking didn’t stand out in a crowd, well not until now. And at this moment he looked hellish with his tear filled eyes and the green around the gills visage. This simply wouldn’t do. Everyone out there expected him to be as joyous as they were. His results meant their jobs were safe and possibly raises. He had to continue to play the part if he wanted to also move up. He didn’t dare let them know how much his actions were destroying him on the inside.

  As he splashed water on his face, his thoughts turned to his wife, Angel. His beloved, beautiful Angel. The one person in this crazy messed up life that meant the world to him. The only person who has stood by him through the good and the bad. She had sacrificed everything just to be with him. Sacrificed a life of comfort, to live in moderation just for him. He would do anything in return for her as well. That is why it was her on the day no quite so long ago that convinced him that selling his soul would be worth it.

                                                        Eric a year ago…

  Her blonde curls fell across the pillow behind her framing her head making her look very much the part of her name. She stretched her long only blanket covered body parallel to him on the bed. Her bright blue eyes held only love and understanding. She stroked his currently messy hair away from his eyes in a gesture he found comforting. It was when he was alone with her that he allowed himself to relax and just be. Here he never felt the need to be more than himself. It was in this comfort space they had created that he told her about the events that had taken place at work. His “offer” so to speak. She had been quite for several minutes and he could tell she was processing. He loved watching her wheels turn.

   “This sounds like quite the offer.” She finally broke the silence.

  “More like an ultimatum. Do it and succeed or find a new vocation.” He gave her a half smile and she ran her bottom lip thoughtfully under her teeth before replying.

  “Is this something you can do?” The words came out as she propped herself up onto one elbow. This action sent her sheet downward revealing enough of herself to make his thoughts shift briefly off topic.

  “Well…” He forced himself to painfully bring his eyes back to hers. He started to answer hoping that she thought his hesitation only came from his having to tear his eyes from her beauty. “It’s not just lobbying politicians. I will also have to convince the American people. They are the ones who drive the real change. I would have to convince millions of people that changing the law to lighten up on alcohol use while driving isn’t such a bad thing. That it isn’t as big of a deal to be say tipsy when you get behind the wheel… and I don’t know but I worry that my actions could harm others.” He was sure she would have trouble looking at him as he had had trouble looking at himself all day for even considering this, he rolled to his back and looked at the ceiling. “Lives could be lost. I don’t know if I could take…” His words froze in his mouth as her hand touched the far side of his face turning him back to look at her.

   “I didn’t ask what your conscious felt.” Her eyes had taken on a strange coldness that he had never in their 6 years together had seen before. “I asked, if you could do this? Can you accomplish what they are asking? Can you convince people that they can go back to having the lives they used to have? Are you up to conquering this feat?”

  “I believe I can.” His voice sounded flat to his own ears but apparently she didn’t notice. The coldness in her eyes was replaced by a flash of fire and determination.

  “Then do it. Do it for us. We have struggled long enough in this mediocre purgatory of an existence. Do as they ask. Erase this stigma.” She leaned over and kissed him lightly and then looked back into his eyes as they were nose to nose. “Do it for me, your Angel. Give me the life you have always wanted to. No more coupons, and no more living check to check.” She kissed him again but harder this time, hungrier. “We could take trips. Real trips. Exotic trips.” She moved herself on top of him then she was getting excited as was he. His brain struggled to fight his body. Her touch was fire on his skin. “Do this and our wildest dreams come true.” She leaned in closer still and purred, “Just think of how grateful I will be.” She bit his lip and he couldn’t hold back anymore. He grabbed at her but she pulled back before he could take possession of her mouth. “Say you’ll do it. Say you’ll do it for us…” She wasn’t pleading she was demanding. “Say it and mean it!” He had never been able to say no to her.

  “I’ll do it. For you. For me. For us.” He answered determined to make her happy. She growled in the back of her throat that feisty sound he couldn’t help but be moved by. He grabbed at her once more and she responded to his answer with complete nonverbal communication. It was the best nonverbal communication they had had in a long while. And his mind successfully shut out the much smaller voices that tried to speak to him in rebuttal.

                                                            Eric of the now…

  Had dried his face. He looked passable. It was a party after all, a party to celebrate their, his, achievements. So the lights were dim due to small blessings. Others would probably just think he had consumed the alcohol that they had continuously kept shoving his way. Drinks that he had had no stomach for. His phone vibrated in the inside pocket of his jacket. Removing it from its hiding place he saw that the message was from his beloved.

                       Heading out now. Sorry that I’m running late but beauty takes time.

She had included a picture of herself in her dress. A number that’s cleavage cut down to her small waist emphasizing some of her best attributes. Heat instantly lit him up just as she knew it would. He responded quickly to her, reminding her to be careful. With added pep in his step he headed back out to the floor to await her arrival. He didn’t get very far when he ran into the President, his conspirer. His glassy eyes and spirit filled breath testified that he seemed to be enjoying himself quite a lot this evening.

 “Turner!” He greeted Eric as an equal, grabbing ahold of his shoulders. Thus proving, he was quite encumbered.

 “Hello, sir.” Eric replied hoping his breath didn’t reek of vomit. But he was pretty sure President Smith wouldn’t notice.

  “You did it, Turner. We showed them Liberals. They won’t mess with us again.”

  “I’m sure they won’t sir.” His stomach flipped again and he swallowed hard shoving the bile taste back down his throat. Smith pulled him into a one armed hug and guided him towards the door.

  “I thought for sure they had us Turner when they brought up the whole gun analogy. Comparing a car to a weapon and the driver to a mentally unstable person was a bad place for us. No one wants to be associated with putting a gun in the hands of a mentally unhealthy person. That’s just insanity.” Smith shook his head and Eric nodded in silent agreement. He had done this a lot lately. Smith’s face rebrightened as he looked back at Eric. “But they didn’t stand a chance against you, Turner.” The President’s voice was loud and was heard by those celebrating nearby and they cheered as if on cue.

  “No sir they didn’t.” His saliva was getting warm again this wasn’t a good sign. He feared he would get sick right where he stood.

  “You,” Smith actually rumpled Turners perfect hair as if he were a child before pulling away to signal the valet. Eric self- consciously ran his hand through his hair to retrieve his adult demeanor before Smith turned back to him. “Man the way you took the stance that there were different level of intoxication and each shouldn’t be treated as the same as them all. Proving that even the alcohol level found in a dose of cough syrup registered on that stupid breathalyzer as enough to keep someone from driving. That the extremist crazies had managed to keep people with a simple cold from being able to drive themselves to work. You showed the world exactly how ridiculous they had gotten with their stigma against alcohol. You are a pure genius. And now…” He paused to hand his key ticket to the valet. “Now the world is back to being our oyster.”

   “Yes sir, it is.” His nausea was replaced with growing concern as he realized that President Smith was preparing to drive himself home. It was very clear to Eric that he was not in any shape to be behind the wheel. “Sir?”

  “John, please Turner, call me John. I insist that from now on you do. After all you are going to be my VP and have your own piece of the company.”

  “VP?”

  “Of course, Turner. I must have the man who could save our company working by my side.” The valet had returned with Smith’s car. Eric looked at the cash exchange with fear.

  “Sir… er I mean… John. Are you okay to drive? I mean …” He swallowed, “It’s late and all.”

  “Of course my good man! And thanks to you I don’t have to deal with those annoying paid drivers and their terrible small talk the entire way home.” Smith punched him on the shoulder. “See you Monday, Turner.”

  “Monday s… John.” Eric corrected himself again. Smith’s words echoed in his head as he watched his President climb behind the wheel of his red Porsche and speed away. “Thanks to you.”

  Not feeling any better than when he arrived, Eric returned to the bar and ordered a club soda. After his third one his phone went off again this time it was a phone call. He didn’t bother to check the screen he just answered. Angel should’ve been here by now and he was sure that it was her with an excuse.

  “Darling where are you?” He softly demanded.

  “Mr. Turner?” The strange male voice on the other end greeted him. Eric stiffened and covered his unused ear to block out the party’s noise.

  “This is Eric Turner. Can I help you?”

  “Mr. Turner, I am an admission’s officer at Johnson County Hospital. Sir I am sorry to inform you that your wife has been admitted in critical condition.”

  “My wife?” his voice was shrill as he shot up from his seat. He now completely failed to notice the reactions of those around him.

  “Yes sir, we found your information among her belongings. Angel Turner that is your wife correct?”

  “Yes that’s her.” His heart was pounding threatening to explode.

  “Well I’m sorry sir but she has been in an accident. She is in very bad shape. She may not… You should come as soon as possible.”

  “An accident?” Eric felt like all he could do was repeat his brain was not processing any of the information that was being giving to him.

  “Mr. Turner I’m afraid she was in a car accident. Hers was hit by a man driving a red Porsche. And it appears… well… it seems as though he is in…. that there was alcohol involved. This stupid new law it… anyway she really needs you here, sir.” The stranger on the line struggled with giving him the news and not speaking the words he truly meant to say. Eric caught enough to make his head spin.

  “Red Porsche… intoxicated… red Porsche… Angel.”

  “I’m on my way.” Eric hung up and ran to the valet. He thrust his ticket into the valets open hand. He couldn’t get his car soon enough. Angel, his Angel might be dying.

  “Thanks to you Turner. Do it for us Eric. Way to go Turner.” Echoed on repeat in his brain. He wearily looked up at the television above the valet stand. A commercial was on. A commercial he knew by heart. One he himself had written and his company paid for eagerly. Mr. Smith’s happy face appeared on the screen. His steel grey eyes jumped out at the audience from behind a giant mug of brew that he sipped. Once lowered, Mr. Smith’s voice rang out happily from the speakers.

  “We don’t do it for the money.” He paused and his on screen smile widened. “We just love to sell spirits.” Bloomberg Spirits, in the painstakingly chosen font, appeared at the bottom of the screen.

                                                       Eric’s now world went black.

Portrait of a Liberal - Part Two -The Christian Left

By Michelle Carr

"I don't know where I belong. I only know where ever it is, some where on the edge of another universe altogether, where my soul is never questioned but it is constantly answered." -Stephanie Bennett Henry

 I am a teenager sitting in a hard church pew. You know the ones I mean. The ones created to keep you awake so that if you forgot your morning coffee on the rush to make it in time for Sunday school you won't be able to be comfortable enough to sleep. I am listening to the sermon like I have a thousand times over. Trying my best to reverently listen and absorb the message. I'm here right? Cause after all, it is insisted that we try our best to be there every time those wooden doors open. And why is that, you ask? Well because that's what my mother was taught by her parents. I glance back at my grandfather who is sitting solemnly in the back soaking in  the message we are being given. I direct my attention quickly back to front so as not to be thought ill of and restart to listen to the message. But these words of wisdom only leave me with questions and unease. Me, this girl who won the perfect score trophy in Bible quizzing, this girl who participates in every youth volunteer group I can and this girl who just found a seat after singing in the choir. I have worked hard every day to walk the walk not just talk the talk, which isn't easy during this time when it's incredibly uncool to be a Christian. Because this is what I feel should make me feel good about myself. Yet this sermon makes me feel like I am not where I should be spiritual, because though I strive to live my life as the best Christian I can be, I don't understand the logic of what I am now hearing.

  The minister is speaking on the life choices of the LGBT community.  Their life choices are evil, the words echo through the vaulted ceiling room. To choose to be in a relationship with someone of the same sex is a sin. It has been decreed by God that only a man and woman should lay together. Those who choose to live differently will be punished with Hell. We, as Christians, needed to see these lifestyles as evil and try to witness to those who had chosen this way of life. My head is spinning as my quandary ... begins. If it was a choice to live such a way, then why did some choose it? Because this the time, mind you, before it was even legal to marry someone of the same gender. It didn't make sense to me that anyone would choose to live a life the would be filled with persecution. To choose to love someone that you wouldn't be able to freely proclaim as yours and whom you couldn't even marry. How was it that it was a matter of the heart when a man and woman united, but yet it was considered a choice made by your head if you fell in love with one of the same gender? I, myself, being a person who tries to incorporate logic in with my feelings of passion so as not to go too far in either direction. I try to place myself in other people's shoes often to try and imagine what I may do in whatever unthinkable situation.  I placed this sermon through this process of thinking as I sat in the pew, and for a long time after that day it lead me to believe that being gay this isn't a choice. But instead this is how people are born. I had been raised to not judge someone by their race, looks or gender so why would I need to judge them by whom they loved? If it was wrong to treat someone as less than because they looked differently than me, than why was it okay to keep rights from those simply because of whom they loved? Why would whom they love as long as it is a consenting adult require my approval or disapproval? Why should this even bother me? This voice in my head screamed that day in the pew at the lack of reasoning. To go from last week's sermon telling me to love everyone and treat them all with equal kindness and this week telling me who should be allowed to marry. And how we should view their decisions.  I found myself greatly perplexed that this key message threw loving one another and that we aren't to judge one another right out the window. And here is where I began to think I would never be the perfect Christian girl everyone wanted me to be because I couldn't just believe.

  Time has passed and I find myself sitting through another Sunday message that has me perplexed. It is a very touchy subject as well for it is the prolife message. I sit as they describe to me the murder of innocent life and my heart can't help but break. I mean seriously who cant think on that and not be saddened. Which is why even with some reservations, I spent my youth and some of my adulthood being a prolifer. But here's the thing, the part that I had trouble admitting out loud until I was older,  that in certain circumstances I could understand the need to have such services available.  That voice in my head asked me what is you were raped? What if you were raped by a family member and became pregnant? Would you be willing to have a child that was forced upon you? A child that would be a constant reminder of what happened to you? Or what if you found out that this child was going to be disabled. So much so that every living moment it had was sheer agony? Could I put any living being through that? As much as I celebrated every life I couldn't answer these questions with unhesitating  "YES". I didn't think I could tell another girl of my teenage age that she had to have the child that she wasn't capable of raising. I couldn't tell her that she had to have it and give it up. I couldn't imaging putting more unwanted children into a program that was already filled with too many who were suffering from thoughts of being unwanted. Not every child gets adopted, not every child ends up in a good home. I did respect those who could make those hard decisions but if I didn't think I could, how could I tell someone else to? Again this voice plagued my thoughts and once more I feel like an outsider lost among the crowd of believers.

  Then I had a break through. I took a religions class in high school during my senior year. I studied religions from all over the world. Religions that are much older than Christianity (which in itself is one of the newest religions) . I began to form new questions now, questions that formed themselves into a thesis paper. I began to wonder how we knew which religion ( my being told Christianity ) was the true religion? How did we know for sure when it is always changing. My very own church used to be Methodist until some of the people had disagreements over certain beliefs and bylaws that they left to form the Nazarene Church. With the constant switching over certain interpretations of the Bible how did we know we had it right? Was it possible that all religions were worshiping the same God but that there interpretation was just different? I got an "A" on my paper. But when I let my youth minister read it on advice of my mother, I was left ...disheartened to say the least. When one of your favorite people in the world tells you that you couldn't be more wrong in questioning things your heart breaks. I was told my thoughts were completely incorrect. There was only one true religion that we didn't need proof we only needed to believe. That is isn't our place to question. True believers didn't do that. That was the moment when my whole world changed. I've always been a believer of asking questions, finding your own truth. To be told not to ask questions just blindly follow put me in a place of making a choice. My truth or theirs. That is when I decided to search for my own. ( Which is a topic for another day) But I pulled away and my doing so became very apparent to those who had known me for my whole life up to that point. I found out from ties that remained that I was thought to now be the party girl, the drug user, the sinner simply because I appeared less and less. They all thought I was slipping and needed to be saved. This was so far from the truth it was funny. But also was the last straw because it showed me just how judgmental my former peers really were. And not needing that in my life, I left it behind.

  Flash forward a few years, I'm still a moderate Conservative. It is nearing the 2004 election. I am very worried for our country and try my best to keep up on all the political news that I can. I tend to vote a very mixed ticket and want to make sure that I am selected the person that I feel is best for the job. I listened as John Kerry spoke in the town hall and something clicked. Here was this religious man speaking for the rights of others. Saying that though his religion disagreed with abortion he felt it was right to allow a woman to choose. That it wasn't the government's place to tell us what we could and couldn't do with our bodies. I, myself, has also begun to learn the issues with not having abortion as a legal option and those facts terrified me more than making it legal. His words spoke to all those questions that I had floating in my head. The thoughts that made me wonder if I could still remain a Christian if I believed them to be true. And you know what, the answer was yes. Everything began to click into place for me. There was nothing wrong with me I had just been in the wrong place. I realized, that listening to my inner thoughts, what my heart and soul told me didn't make me evil or bad, they actual made me a Liberal. I very much wanted Kerry to win that election. When he didn't I was brokenhearted because I had honestly felt he would've been a great leader. That was when I promised myself I would start to pay attention and get more involved in politics.

  Because I have known what it is like to be on both of the political parties I find it amusing when people try and tell me to stop just listening to all the Liberal stuff and listen to the Conservative stuff as well to get the whole picture. Well, yes, looking at both sides is exactly what I do. Because I feel that for a long time I was surrounded and influenced by the Conservative views. That I was a sheep trying to do as I was told to do. So I feel very strongly about determining my own point of views in the decisions that I make. I remained a mixed ballot every time I voted until the last election. I prided myself that even though I am a Liberal, I would try and select those I felt were best for the position regardless of party. (This was until I voted last which I will proudly say that I voted Democrat in every category I could at that point. ) This is also why it's important to me to raise my children by giving them the facts and letting them use the intellectual minds and big hearts that they've been raised with to decide who they think is right. I can tell you right now I am far more confident in their values and hearts than I am in some of the so called Christians I know. They look on all others with love and kindness. See the beauty in differences and help others without question or expectations. And you know what? I believe they are Liberals too.

  All in all, I believe spirituality to be a very beautiful thing. It helps to make us who we are, gives us strength, hope, comfort and can help you to see the beauty that there is in this world. I will always believe that faith is a personal thing. It is not something that can be force on you. (History proves this to be so) Nor should it be used to take away the rights of those who don't live or believe the way you do. Our forefathers understood this hence the First Amendment -  "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion." Taking away the rights of the LGBT with the Religious Freedom (nothing that's actually free about it) Act goes against that so does banning women's right to choose because your religion tells you not to. Our country was founded by immigrants coming together from different back rounds and religion and they respected the rights of those to chose what they wanted to believe so why do we feel it is alright to force our beliefs on others now? Our forefathers saw the danger in doing so but some of the Christian Right can't seem to see past their pews as I did. 

  Christianity, in itself, has been a persecuted religion. So one would think they would be more empathetic towards those who are the same. But witnessing them supporting and screaming for these rights to be taken away, shows how very much they don't get it. These are human rights. Human rights mean rights for all. My Christian back round taught me compassion for others and it is this compassion that leads me to fight for their rights. Maybe one day we will all understand the importance of giving people equal rights. That by them having the right to marry and love those of the same gender doesn't mean you have to do the same. It simply means they have the same rights as you. Maybe just maybe we will all wake up and see that having an abortion is the hardest decision a woman can make. But it is a choice she should be allowed to make. It doesn't mean you have to like it, doesn't mean you have to get one yourself, and it doesn't mean you have to pay for it. But the choice is and should remain a right that can't be taken away because of someone else's religious beliefs. For the day we realize that beliefs are personal and aren't the mandate is the day we will all truly celebrate religious freedom.

Portrait of a Liberal - part one

 By: Michelle Carr

   I can't help but feel that during this last election so much has been lost. And by that I don't just mean my candidate losing the electoral vote. This isn't a blog for the candidates this is a blog for the people. Because I sincerely feel that we have lost sight of each other during this madness. That many people were quick to just throw labels on each other and build a wall of deafness to their words once they realized they were not of the same party. Some were afraid to even approach others, not mentioning the dreaded politics until they thought the other person couldn't hear. How did we get to this place? This is not a healthy place to be.

   I've been through many elections before, not a new voter as some deemed to call me, but never have I ever felt such animosity from others before. But then again, never have I felt so passionately about the need for a my representative to win either. Most of the conversations I had with others, of a different party, felt as though I was speaking through the phone that had a bad connection. Felt as though the person I was talking to was far more eager to side with this person whom they've never met and whose character repeatedly proved him to be abusive and questionable over even trying to listen to what I had to say. It seemed that even those who have known me for a long time or even my whole life seemed to have forgotten who I am. Felt as if they labelled me an easily influenced person who couldn't see that this man was going to save our country. And all the while their way of convincing me to see the light was to sling hateful words my way or attack my candidate with falsities. While I watched and listened to them, I began to wonder what happened to the kind and thoughtful people I had known them to be. I began to realize that in our efforts to try and make the world better we have been forgetting why we are doing so. For those that believe this has all been for the power, you are mistaken, because it should be for those we love. 

   I can tell you, from my position, that it is incredibly difficult seeing those people you love wholeheartedly supporting and defending a person whose every action goes against all of your moral values. And I'm not talking my political views, I'm talking my core moral values. Values  that I have been taught since childhood. Values that these very people have played a part in teaching me and I believed they held them true as well. Yet, when these loved ones defend these atrocities and some even encourage them ... one starts to honestly have a hard time looking at these people in the same way. That is what has hurt the most, in all of this. This disappointment I carry around now. ( And to clarify, it has nothing once again, to do with the fact that my candidate is not in office) It's because those who I believed would fight for moral values turned away and then mocked me for doing so.  For what exactly... money? I have never been quite clear on that point. Because it was never really expressed to me  how he was going to save us. Well beyond the fact he would build a wall and run America like a business...like his... his businesses that he has had several bankruptcies in... seems reasonable... anyway...

   Through all of this, I myself have daily withstood those who didn't agree with me. Even had someone try and hack my own social media. I've been called names, yelled at and attacked on social media. I have laughed quite a bit at the name calling because I know full well that what they have said doesn't apply to me. And then embraced some, because damn right I'm a treehugger and proud to be so. If you don't love trees than you don't love air and who doesn't like to breathe? Anyway... but to be told that I need to take my dumb, lazy, pot smoking butt, get off government aid and find a job... I mean come on now... I have to find the humor in that. Humor with a touch of sadness, because that shows just how much we really aren't looking at one another.  So this not so dumb, productive, never tried pot in my life, Liberal who has worked my ass off for everything I have, has decided to try and reach out in ways that I know how, through my words and actions. Because if you are still reading this it means there is hope. That maybe you are willing to listen. That possibly you don't have that glazed over look in your eye that I have become to accustomed to when I tell people that I'm a liberal. And maybe just maybe if I share my story with you, you will share yours too. Perhaps if we all reach out to one another we might manage to find that common ground again. Because guess what, none of us are going anywhere. WE are all in this together, we can rise together and protect our home and democracy or fall together. I choose rise. 

Not My President

By Michelle Carr

  So it's been two weeks since the election. Two weeks of me hearing "Give him a chance." "Stop whining over losing." "Get over it." "He's your President." "Pray that he makes the right decisions." And many many more. 

But you know what it's been two weeks. And everyday I wake up more horrified with the decisions he has made then I was the day before. Each day I am further baffled by those who think I'm simply upset because the person I voted for lost the "Electoral majority vote" (Stressing that fact to it's max)  I find myself completely unable to get over it and have never once whined. I am simply sharing the facts. Sharing what I know, hoping that others will see this insanity for what it is. This future he promises is not one you believed it to be. If you can look at this and think it is exactly what you wanted then my friend I am greatly saddened. 

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. ( Especially when there's Kool aid on the menu)

  Seriously now... Trump is the first elected (by majority of the electoral votes) President who is a climate change denier. DENIER folks. Knowing that climate change is real doesn't mean you have to be a rocket scientist people, it's common sense. Last July was the hottest recorded month ever, EVER! Animals are continuously becoming extinct and it's not because we are hunting them all into extinction. It's happening because we are creating a planet that no longer is able to support their life. Eventually people this will be us if we don't make a change. And we have been. Things were looking up. The Paris Agreement put us on the right path. But now Trump who wants to "unite" says he will pull us of the agreement we made with almost 200 other countries. (Not really feeling the unity there.) He wants to cut EPA regulations so that fossil fuels companies (like those he has invested in i.e. DAPL) won't have to comply with so many.  Can you say money over people? We already have issues we are fighting over currently like Flint, MI and Dakota Access Pipeline and coal ash here in Indiana that are hard to combat even with the current regulations. Can you imagine how horrific it will be when his people start to take this apart? He has the mentality that the environment will just take care of itself. Tell that too the people who are already struggling from the effects of climate change.

  Then we have his minions Pence... Pence who believes that women would allow themselves to be raped and somehow fix it so they get pregnant from that rape just so they could go have an abortion. Because if they manage to do all that, they can miss work! Oh my God what fun! (Huge eye roll) I think it would be easier just to fake the flu. He also wants to take funding away from treating people with HIV and AIDS and put it towards conversion therapy for those who don't want to be homosexual. Because let's take medical help from actually helping those who are sick and put it towards trying to cure something that isn't a disease. At lest I remind everyone of the AIDS Epidemic that happened here in Southern Indiana under this man's watch. https://www.google.com/amp/amp.usatoday.com/story/26498117/?client=safari This was due mostly to dirty needle use but still don't think he best person to decide we need to pull any funding from this area. 

  Then we have the racist, sexist and bulling mentality. Many people tell me they don't agree with this part of his personality yet they voted for him. Well you just told all those who have been thrust under his umbrella of hate that you are okay with it enough to put this man in charge of our country. And now this very same man is looking to add several other alt-right, dare I say white supremacists leaders into his cabinet. Men who have suggested "Muslim camps" and 'anti-American Investigations' that sound increasingly like McCarthyism and Holocaust camps. Neo Nazi & KKK leaders here in America have actually celebrated these appointments. CELEBRATED! Good God America we fought the Nazis. Do you remember history at all? None of this is OK! 

We can not normalize any of this! 

This is our chance America to stop this Hell before it happens. 

 America is better than this! I know it is. Let's join together and tell Trump this was his interview and he failed. Because any good manager will tell you that character goes a long way in the hiring process. Let's tell the Electoral College we want the over 1.5 million lead in votes for Hillary to be heard. Let's tell them to vote to help save America and truly put it on the path to greatness. 

https://www.change.org/p/8736722/u/18464396?utm_campaign=fb_dialog&utm_medium=email&utm_source=petition_update_email&post_id=10153253928896054_10154639167311054#_=_

Water Is Essential

By Michelle Carr

  Water is Life. Such a simple statement, but one that holds so much meaning. Without water, we and all other living things wouldn’t survive. It’s a simple concept really, WATER IS ESSENTIAL. Do you realize how much fresh drinkable water there is on this planet? You may be completely surprised at the answer. There isn’t as much as you are probably thinking. And to endanger any of that supply, especially for reasons that equate to lining someone’s pocket with green (And I don’t mean plants) is preposterous! If you think it’s safe to work oil near, through or around clean water all you have to do is look at the mess the oil companies left in the Amazon to know this isn’t possible.

  We must do better as a human race. We must protect our lands, our water, our planet and in turn our very lives. When we see such things as the Dakota Pipeline proposed and being put into action we must do everything we can to say “No! You must stop this!” Lives are not something you play with, and it is indeed lives that they are putting at risk.

  Somethings you may not know about this pipeline. This pipeline will cross four states and will connect Bakken, North Dakota and Patoka, Illinois. It will transport on average 470,000 barrels of light sweet crude oil per day but will have the ability to transport as much as 570,000 barrels (a day). All of which is set to pass through the Missouri River twice as it travels through North Dakota. This river is the primary source of drinking water for the Standing Rock Nation. The plan is to use horizontal directional drilling that will place pipeline under the river. But sense when has anyone been able to control exactly where spillage will run to once it happens? And how well or quickly are they planning to clean this mess up when it does? Because it will happen. Do the companies, who stand to profit from all of this, plan on taking care of all of those affected once the oil seeps into their water? Or ruins their land? Leaving both unusable. What happens then?

  The pipeline will also travel through Sacred Indian sites. While protecting one such site, the peaceful protesters stepped into the path of the workers and refused to move. The construction company had hired security at that point. Security, who then released attack dogs into the crowd of men, women and children. Allowing the dogs to bite the people who merely stood in the way and raised their voices to say “No!” They also maced the protestors to push the line back. But denied all actions of doing so when confronted about it. Denied, even when they stood there holding the collar of their dog whose mouth was coated in blood in one hand and the mace spray in the other. This we can all witness since reporter Amy Goodman risked her own freedom to get the story of what happened this past Labor Day weekend.

  I, myself, live slightly more than 230 miles away from where the pipeline will end. I know this will impact my family’s life without even living right next to it. The effect this pipeline will have on our environment will be catastrophic. And it will lead us backwards from all the efforts that we have been making towards changing climate change. I have joined in this fight. This peaceful protest. For the tribes themselves, have stated that any violent actions done to stop this pipeline are not welcome in their protest. In the two peaceful rallies I participated in, I was completely moved by the support that showed up and was given to us by those passing by. I know that there are many more people who feel this is an injustice just as we do! We must join together and demand a formal Environmental Impact Statement be done. We must let them know this pipeline has to be stopped before it’s too late to undo its damage.

  Please join me today, the Day of Action in solidarity with Standing Rock. There are many actions you can take. You can find rallies near you and join in. You can sign the many petitions that are going around asking that this be stopped. You can contact your government officials let them know you how you feel. Request that they move for those they represent and work towards stopping this. You can write letters to editors of papers and magazines let them know your thoughts. People on the front lines can also use donations. The months are about to get colder and they are going to need supplies to help them continue to stand. Spreading the word is also so very important. Let people know what’s going on. I’ve encountered many myself who don’t. Use your social media, spread the word. Let everyone know and have a chance to decide what they feel is more important… WATER or oil. As the old Indian prophecy has come true of the Eagle and the Condor tribes uniting for this cause, we too must unite and show them they aren’t alone. 

Links to join in action:

https://t.co/aXKl8uWBMd

https://t.co/BOIuyuaSsX

Site for Petiton:

https://t.co/VvXSwm5Mia

Source Sites:

http://www.daplpipelinefacts.com/

http://www.thedickinsonpress.com/content/stealth-bakken-pipeline-project-faces-fight-iowa

Indianapolis standing in solidarity with Standing Rock.Indianapolis's Monument Circle. 9/9/16 Photo by: Michelle Carr

Myself premarch as we stood in Solidarity will Standing Rock. 9/9/16 Photo by: Michelle Carr

Peaceful protest downtown Indianapolis #NoDAPL 9/9/16. Photo by: Michelle Carr

Fellow environmental warrior, showing the beauty of where we camped for day. Indianapolis in Solidarity with Standing Rock 9/9/16 Photo by: Michelle Carr

IU in solidarity with Standing Rock at the Sample Gates 9/11/16. Photo by Michelle Carr

Water Ceremony ... water gathered from around the world returned to the earth. IU Solidarity with Standing Rock Rally. 09/11/16 Photo by: Michelle Carr

Drums for the water ceremony. IU standing in solidarity with Standing Rock 9/11/16 Photo by: Michelle Carr

Earth Day Every Day

 By: Michelle Carr

 It’s cold but not uncomfortably so. Not the, your breath leaves you and takes the shape of vapors, kind of cold. But the kind that if you walk fast enough the only parts of you that remains so are the exposed parts. Hence the fact that my nose is red and slightly runny. I am trudging through the woods. I am not being forced to do it. I am not lost (well at least I don’t believe I am…this is still the path right?) Yes it is (whew) and I slowly make my way through the creek filled obstacle course. Though I am chilly, I am quite enjoying myself. Covering my face with hands I breathe from my mouth into the mini cave warming my fingers as well as my nose. Once the feeling returns to my fingertips, I continue on, jumping from rock to rock trying to avoid falling into the freezing stream. There are actually icicles suspended from a tree above me, yes actual icicles. Okay maybe I am crazy to be hiking when it’s slightly warmer than snow temperatures outside. But you know what, I am happily doing so.

  I am freezing yet sweaty, muddy, wet, my palms are covered in a green moss residue and I am the best version of me. I have finally returned to nature. After many months of being trapped indoors the fresh air is revitalizing. There is just something quite wonderful about breathing in air that is not being pushed around and out of vents. I listen to the sounds around me, the signs of life in the woods. They are soothing, calming, and an amazing path to finding tranquility. I have heard people say that being out in nature, in the woods, at the beach and the like, they feel closer to the Creator than anywhere else. This I can easily believe as these are the places I go to clear my head, reconnect with me and find solace.

  But this time as I am enjoying my trip through the creek, I think on how our world is on a dangerous path. I think of all the trees, such as the ones I am passing that have been cut down for someone’s profit. I wonder what we will do as a human race when there are no longer trees to counter act the carbon emissions or even to produce the oxygen that we so badly need in order to live. Where will our children play when all the free land is covered with concrete? How sad would it be to suddenly no longer have beaches because all the icebergs have melted and covered a great portion of the land? Where will we go to help us find our serenity then? Where will we go to escape the craziness that comes when the world gets too loud? And even more importantly, how will life go on?

  Contrary to what some people would like you to believe the effects of climate change are very real and can no longer be ignored. This is not a problem that will fix itself. Or one that can be taken care of only by the ones who have decided to change the way they live. The solution lies with all of us. We must all make an effort to be better in order for the world to maintain human life. Because it will be us that goes extinct, the world can survive without us. These changes must be made to ensure the future of our children and our children’s children. It is for us to lead the way and show them how to protect the gifts this planet has to offer.

  Last year, I wrote a blog about how challenging it  was to try and be green. How the task seemed so big when you were starting out but I was determined to do so. I know that I am still not the epitome of green living. I know there is a lot more I could still change about my lifestyle that would make a difference. But the thing is that I am continuously trying to improve myself. Every day I am learning how to be better and am working to lessen my carbon footprint. I can tell you with complete certainty that I am a lot greener today than I was a year ago. I am, as always, the constant work in progress.

  It’s like yoga, you start off small, with the basic steps. Because if you start off immediately thinking you can do a headstand without ever having done so before, chances are you are going to fail. Fail and possibly hurt yourself badly. So knowing you can’t tackle what someone who has been doing it for years can do, you start off with a basic warrior pose and work your way up from there. You have to be open to trying new things, a forever student, constantly learning how to improve upon what you are doing. Things are always changing as we learn more about the effects our actions have on the environment. Some changes we make to be better also have their own impact and sometimes it comes down to simply the lesser of the two evils. The main thing to keep in mind is that it is a journey. One that you will get better on as you make more things habits and challenge yourself to grow. Before you know it you will look at yourself again and see that you are close or indeed exactly where you had wanted to be when you first started. So don’t ever compare yourself to others along the way. Because you don’t know where they are in their journey and theirs is not yours. You must know that every change you make is important and the fact that you are doing so is what’s most important. The small beginnings turn into big changes when you keep at them, trust me. These life changes are what make the ultimate difference in the end. Make every day Earth Day my friends, our future generations need us to. 

Image taken by Michelle Carr at Turkey Run State Park

Image taken by Michelle Carr at Turkey Run State Park

Jester

By Michelle Carr

I see you

You may not think I do 

But I do.

You may have forgotten 

What I am, but I have not

And I see you.

Hiding behind a mask,

A chameleon, 

A dancing monkey of sorts.

Trying desperately to please.

Please those who you think

Will give you what you want.

Spinning, twisting, bending 

Believing you are just.

All the while chiseling away 

At yourself, 

At that beautiful potential inside. 

Losing the person I had once believed 

to be worth knowing.

Image from www.freeimages.com

Respect the Artist

By: Michelle Carr

  Art is the language of which our souls speak. Whether it is through music, words, dance or images, this is how our soul communicates. It is a part of you. A small piece of you that had to be shared. It is the voice that screamed so loudly you would’ve been driven mad had you not expressed it. Being as such, Art is very personal. Such work has the ability to not only carry a heavy emotional weight with the creator but can resonate with many, many others as well. Having such an affect on the creator, it isn’t always easy to share what you have made. But we do it because of the part inside us that feels very strongly compelled to do so. And so we do with the hope that putting ourselves out there we can move, inspire, reach and even perhaps help others.    

  This is one reason why it is so very important to protect an artist’s work. It’s not only the monetary reasons. It is for the reason that this is a part of themselves that they have shared. It is their blood, sweat and tears. It is their joy, heartache, fight and not to mention time. To use such without permission isn’t just ethically wrong but it's morally as well. To steal it and then use it in such a way that the artist would never have agreed to, only further adds insult to injury. I would be devastated and angered beyond belief to find that anything I had made was used against the things I stand for. Because of this, I feel I need to raise my voice against such actions when they occur.

  Nine years ago Burger King MX put out a commercial that included 30 Seconds to Mars very popular song, The Kill, playing in the background. Mars, once they were made aware, filed suit for copyright infringement due to the fact they had not given permission for the song’s use. Not only was their art stolen but it was used to advertise hamburgers and meat products. This is something that the band wouldn’t endorse due to the fact that the lead singer and song’s writer is vegan. This case has been in a standstill in the Mexican justice system for nine years. All this time the band has chosen to fight this privately.  But the last time the band approached the corporation with the matter they were told, that the corporation just didn’t have time for such things right now. So, tired of waiting for them to do the right thing in private, Mars has brought this out to the public.

  This isn’t a practice that should be allowed to carry on. This is exactly why copyright laws have been put into place. There should never be a question if it is right to steal something created by another, use it for your own personal gain and to endorse items that the creator is against. Ignoring the situation once you are caught is absolutely shameful. Not sure if Burger King MX is hoping this matter will just go away but I think that fighting for them to make it right over the last nine years shows that is not going to happen. The law is on the artist’s side on this one Burger MX and this needs to be made right! It shouldn’t have taken nearly this long for that to be seen.

  As a writer, I will gladly stand behind 30 Seconds to Mars in this fight for justice. I will raise my voice to let Burger King MX know how I feel about their actions. This mustn’t be allowed. I will also boycott Burger King’s food (it isn’t good for me anyway) to ensure that such a company doesn’t receive a dime more from my household. We demand justice, will you join us? #RespectTheArtist - 

For more information regarding case see (scroll down for English translation) - http://ow.ly/ZaUS6

Join your name with those who feel Burger King MX needs to right their wrong. -  http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/support-thirty-seconds-to-mars

Image created by Sarah Beanie

Nerd Girl Goes to Comic Con

By: Michelle Carr

  A little over a week ago I was in complete and utter bliss. I found myself entirely immersed in the world that is Comic Con. Our impromptu trip to Lexington, Kentucky had quickly changed from a single day to a two day adventure. This happened once we realized that that some of our favorite people were hosting Q&As on the following day. We eagerly guided our children through the cosplay filled floor. Stopping every few steps, we introduced them to the things we adored growing up and well still adore now too. I don’t know what made me happier, seeing it all for the first time through their eyes or when they saw something they got excited about.

  From retro games to Game of Thrones, everything can be found at Comic Con. It is literally the place where a nerd can feel free to be a nerd. And this nerd girl, dressed as a Joker loving Harley Quinn did just that as I posed not only with the Tardis but R2D2. We found all sorts of treasures from a ring with the number 42 on it (which I got nerd points for knowing the meaning behind it) to a rebooted Transformer that was a rare find. My son got to geek out in the retro game center. The guys there seemed genuinely impressed with his knowledge of the games they had there. (I am doing something right.)  My daughter had us tracking down the moving R2D2 and Dalek so she could talk to them as well as the Disney Princesses so she could have her picture taken. We were completely “nerding out” so to speak and met many wonderful people. People who got it just as much as we did. We were definitely at home there.

  But of all the crazy wonderful things I found there, the best moments were those spent with some of my heroes from my younger years. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of my all-time favorite shows. With the constant battle of good and evil, I feel this show helped give me the strength to say no to the things in my life that I believe were wrong. Helped me to make better choices as a young adult. After seven years of watching these characters grow on an almost weekly basis, I found myself very attached to them. Once the show ended, I continued to follow their story through the comic books. Here was my first opportunity to meet Eliza Dushku (aka Faith) and James Marsters (aka Spike) two of the badasses from the show whose character arc gave them the ability to be both villains as well as heroes.  I had come prepared bringing a comic with both of the characters on it in hopes I could get both of their signatures.

  We went through Eliza’s line first. She had brought her puppy with her and the little one rest calmly and cutely in her lap. When she saw my comic she became very excited. She said it was cute that she looked like a Pikachu coming out of the top of it. She quickly took a picture and then called James over who was set up in the station next to her. He stepped over to check out my comic and got a kick out of it as well saying “I look like a Bitch on this.” To which he immediately apologized once he saw the kids with us. He told us “I was just being me.”  I quickly replied “And we wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  Once we had finished talking to Eliza, we went to stand in James’s line. He offered to do photos with those who came through his line so we opted to do that as well. He joined his signature with Eliza’s and told my seven year old daughter, whose eyes were huge, that she had very good taste liking Spike. James was very friendly and for our time with him he made us feel very welcomed. I even told him at one point I was just in awe that I was finally meeting him after all these years at it was amazing. He smiled big and said, “Yea, I am all 3D right?” This made me laugh and feel far more comfortable. In the end I got to thank him for everything. It felt amazing having had the opportunity to thank both people for all they have given to us over the years.

  Once it was all over, with the excitement of all our new experiences running through our heads, we packed the car full of our new nerd gear. Then we began our trip back to reality. Back to where it isn’t quite as acceptable to run around dressed as Spiderman. But through every single wonderful moment there, there were a few that held up higher above the rest. Those moments were the ones that I got to say thank you to a couple of my heroes for the joy and strength they had given me. Those are the memories I will cherish the most of all from this entire Con and hold them dear in my heart. Even though this nerd girl thought the “Bite Me” that James wrote on my comic was pretty damn cool too.

I am...

I am a conundrum

multitude of attractions, parallel to one another

love, hate both intertwine into a fiery ball of emotions

dark, light fight for the chance to surface

hopeless romantic, psychotic killer thoughts run a muck

classical, alternative music fills my ears

peaceful chaos envelops my soul

I search for reasons to answer the why, for beauty, for kind souls

 a constant state of unrest

looking from the outside in

never feeling completely understood

watching, seeking, hoping, praying

believing that one day I will find the key

but all the while

afraid that it may happen too late…

Credit for Image goes to TheEmeraldDawn

Choose to Live Happy

By: Michelle Carr

Life is busy, fast and often times very chaotic. We can oh so easily find ourselves caught in trying to keep the up pace that we lose sight of what's really important. We forget to stop and simply appreciate the beautiful things in this life that we have been given. Big and small things that make life worth living and the very essence of what we should be celebrating. We were not put on this Earth only to sleep, eat, work & pay bills. If that were the case, we would have no need for imaginations. We would not have been given the ability to dream, create or love. We wouldn't have been made so uniquely, each with our own thousands of interests and loves. We would've all been simplified carbon copies of each other. But we aren't. We were all made with the power to live our lives to the fullest. A good part of doing just that is to be thankful for it. 

  I encourage you to take the time to slow down. Find what it is you love to do and do it. Take time to enjoy life instead of just living it. Step outside, breathe in the fresh air and feel alive. Allow yourself to fall in love with the beautiful world around you in all of it's glorious splendor. Cherish the loved ones near and far that are in your life. It is so very important to let them know how much you care. Take in everything that is positive and beautiful in your life and hold it in a safe place in your heart. Life is too short, and can fly by so very quickly. Treasure what you have before it's too late. Have no regrets. Embrace all of the gifts life has given you, for being able to appreciate even the smallest of things is one of the keys to true happiness. Choose to live happy my friends. 

Character

By: Michelle Carr

              “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” (John Wooden)

     I read this and hit it home in a big way. I reminded myself that a year ago, when I started this blog, I didn’t care what people thought of me. That I was following my dream and trying to make the world a slightly better place to be in. I thought as long as I was doing what I believed in that it wouldn’t matter if everyone else agreed or disagreed. It’s funny, how sometimes you can quickly lose track of what you started out feeling. Sadly the truth of the matter is, that it can hurt what people think and say about you. That even though it may bother you for a stranger to say something negative about you, you can for the most part shrug it off. Thinking to yourself they don’t know you. The part that hurts the worst is when the negative comes from someone who is or was close to you on some level, someone you have cared about. Because no matter if what they are saying is all lies, it can get to you. The thing is, if you felt this person knew you in any way, it can hurt when their perception of you is not correct. You could wonder if others see you this way too. Because how could it possible that one person could be so off? Do you send out a vibe unintentionally that is different than what your intentions are?  If you are not careful, these thoughts and the person’s hurtful words can sink in and start to control your actions. You could, in trying not to come off the way they made you out to be, indeed become what they were saying without ever meaning to.

       There is one thing in all this that I have to hold true. That is, no matter what negative things are said and thought about you that it is not who you really are. Only you know your true intentions, and you can say what they are until you are blue in the face, but only your actions will define you. They say “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” To me that means that no matter how good your intentions are if you don’t act with them they are merely thoughts and do no good. You should always stick to your truest of intentions. Stay true to who you are no matter what. No matter if others try and bring out the worst in you, you must simply walk away and ignore it. Even if it hurts. You must never ever let what they say or think of you change how you view yourself. Because it can and it will, if you give it that power. If their words start to pull you in, you must stop. Take a moment, evaluate yourself, your purpose, the reasons you do the things you do.  Reflect on yourself. Because only in your heart of hearts will you know whether your actions come from a good and kind place or if it is something less sincere. If you come back knowing that what you are doing is without a doubt from a good place in your heart, then tell the haters to go do themselves. Because it is up to you to define your character and your worth. No one else can take that from you. Only when you know your worth will others do the same. Once you do know it, you won’t allow anyone to treat you any less than how you deserve to be treated.

       The most important thing above all of this is to not let anyone take away or dim the beauty you have inside. I tell you that just as there are those who don’t care or who want to tear you down, there are also those who will see the beauty in you. Those that will stand by your side no matter what. They will take the time to know you by your true character. They know that to be human is to err and they will forgive you for your mistakes. They will be there to pick you up when you are down and make you laugh when you need cheering up. For the others, a thicker skin is needed, and hopefully the hateful words will eventually stop hurting so much.  The hardest part in making your skin thicker is to keep a soft heart.  Many allow their hearts to harden to keep the pain from being felt and in doing so lose their ability to be compassionate towards others. It is a beautiful thing to have a soft heart in the world we live in today. People with the ability to truly care for others and try to help them in any small way they can is a beautiful gift. And that beauty should never be extinguished. The world needs more people who have not only passion but compassion for all living things. It is true compassion that leads us to make a difference, and it’s passion that keeps us going. So when focusing on you, just be the best you, you can be. Worry only about your character, being true to who you are. Keep your skin thick to let the negative slide off and your heart soft to keep the ability to care for others. Above all else, always keep your LIGHT burning bright, for only light can defeat the darkness. 

Image found on www.viacharacter.org

Paix Pour Le Monde

By: Michelle Carr

Paris, France the city of love. The city that has always held a special place in my heart. The one place that I have repeatedly told myself, I would one day see. Now my heart aches for this magical city as it recovers from a horrific set of terrorist attacks. I am greatly saddened by all the lives that were lost and those that were injured and the loved ones affected. Upon hearing the news of these attacks, I was immediately taken back to that day in September, fourteen years ago. I remember the complete and utter devastation I felt then. I was in the same heartbroken place that I find myself in now. I was filled with fear and sadness as the world seemed so lost.

 Quickly the cries for war began.  The news feed began to fill with thoughts of “This was an attack of terror, we must retaliate”. This is War! Now, I’m sitting at dinner with friends fourteen years ago watching our President’s speech hearing him say the same words. We weren’t going to allow the attacks to make us live in fear. We were going to go about as normal and continue living. We were beginning the war on terror. I remember having such mixed feelings then. I have never been one who thought war was an answer but I also felt such anger inside at what had happened. I wanted retribution. I wanted to see those, who had hurt us so badly, be hurt in return. My anger then, was far stronger than my fear of what war would bring. And in the end, I agreed that we should go after those who had attacked us. That all those lives we had lost needed to be answered for, our attackers needed to pay. I didn’t want to start my own family in a world filled with fear. And it was so. Our country went to war.

 Now, in the present I find myself in a hugely different place than I was then. I hear the people calling for war and I have no urge to join their cries. Not one part of me feels that this is the right answer to what has happened. This is not because these attacks didn’t happen on our home front, because as I said a part of my heart belongs to France. Also there were American lives that were lost as well as some who were injured in these attacks. So it is not because we haven’t been affected, we have been. It is more so due to the fact that for fourteen years, I’ve watched us fight. I’ve seen family members and loved ones go off to join in the fight against terror.  I’ve said goodbye as they have gone off to keep the others safe from the fight. I have worried for and waited for their safe return. I have felt the helplessness and prayed that orders would be changed so those I care about won’t been sent off. It may be selfish. I know that we will always need people to protect us, they are all so very brave for doing so and I appreciate it completely. But I just don’t feel that war is the answer any longer.  So now even if I’m of the few, my voice will cry for peace.

 The genius part of having the ability to remember our history is so that we can learn from it. The key part of that, is to LEARN. History has a habit of repeating itself and it is our job to see that and change our behavior to in turn create a different outcome.  With this in mind, one would think that that we would know where retaliation gets us from Pearl Harbor and 9/11. Did we really feel better once we got our eye for an eye? Did our vengeance seeking solve the problem? No it didn’t and as Ghandi said “An eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind.” Vengeance is not the answer.

  Nor did the fighting stop after the vengeance was taken in both cases either. The fighting just continued on after, for far too long and is still, ongoing. Now we find ourselves at odds with an enemy that is a subsidiary of the Al Qaeda. Al Qaeda are those who were responsible for the 9/11 attacks.This subsidiary group seems overly anxious to take responsibility for any attack that is attributed to terrorism.  Which in many cases, this makes me wonder if in our rush to end this group’s atrocities, are we overlooking the actual people that may be behind the these acts? This aggressive group called Isis, would like nothing more than to see our ground troops on their own territory so they can finally have a shot at them. Because as of now, they can’t organize their reach this far. This group wants us to live in fear and separate ourselves instead of uniting. They would love to see us pointing fingers and saying you did this, believe this and we believe this. They want us to fear each other and push our Muslim friends away.  Are we really going to allow ourselves to jump back into a McCarthy like state where we allow fear to guide our actions? Are going to regress to a time where we quickly judge others by their covers instead of who they really are? And yes, I know this does happen even now, but I feel we have gotten somewhat better at understanding one another and accepting others differences. Are we going to let these people push all the efforts of others away and return to living in fear?

 I, for one, refuse to take this leap backwards. I refuse to live in a world that we lump people together into groups and fail to see their individuality. I refuse to believe that just because they may share a religion (Which it is really questionable that they do since the religion in question is nonviolent in nature) that they are to be feared. Muslims are not the enemy. Syrians are not the enemy. Religion is not the enemy. Hate is our enemy and that is what we need to address.

 I truly believe that the only way for us to end the fighting and these horrible acts is to review our past. Learn from it. See that this direction in which we are headed in can only lead to more fighting and horror. The loss of more lives is not a solution. It is the problem. All lives matter. We simply can’t keep doing the same things over and over hoping for a different result. If we want a new ending then we must start fresh, with a different approach. We can’t let our anger and fear dictate our actions. If we want the fighting to halt, then we can’t approach it from a fighting stance. This only shows that we are prepared to fight. Instead, we must approach it from a place of peace. We need to spread more love and understanding in this world and bring its people together. Isis wants us to divide and fight that is how they become more powerful. They use our words of hate towards one another to empower themselves. They draw numbers for their army by us disagreeing and pushing others away. They want us to turn on each other. The only way we can take away what little power they have is if we band together.  We need to look at one another as humans, brothers and sisters, all sharing the same world.  We can live together in peace and harmony if we stop looking at one another’s differences as problems and see the beauty in them instead. We are all have our own gifts that we have been given let’s  use them toward fixing the things that are wrong instead of attacking each other. As a very wise man by the name of Martin Luther King Jr once said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Isn’t it about time we listened?

 Peace is possible. Let’s not let the louder voices win this time. Together we can be heard. I believe we can create peace for the world. I believe anything is possible if we really want it. Question is, do you want it too? Peace be with you my friends.

Image by Matt Collett found on http://tinyurl.com/nsv3fj2

Enter Status Here

By Michelle Carr

  Social media… it’s given kind of a bad reputation. What do you think when you hear the word? Time consuming? Crazy people? Stalkers? Bullies? Danger? Porn? Well yea it can contain those things but that is not all it is. Social media can affect us in many different ways. It has its up and downs, good and bad. I, for one, have experienced many different things while being a part of this somewhat newer world.

  I have spent the majority of my life, since I was twelve, working in jobs that put me in positions where I spent my time with people. I love people. I love meeting new people and will start conversations with anyone. So I have always loved that part of whatever job I was in, the social interaction. About two years ago I made a change. I starting staying home to run the household and pursue the things that made me happy. The first winter was the hardest. It was so cold, dark and full of snow that we spent a lot of time trapped in the house. This inability to go outside and the transition to a new closed off position made me crave social interaction. At the time Facebook was my only outreach, and for a while it was enough. But sadly, I noticed my mood was reflecting the dark kinda depressed moods that I seeing while scrolling through my Facebook news on my line. Everyone in my circle was also feeling the effects of the winter and most were sick, cold and also trapped without a lot going on. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, we were all stuck and had the winter blues. But if that is all you see and hear you can get pulled into the same place. I was caught in all this negativity and couldn’t see the light anywhere. I was feeling very low and in a not so great place. Then a remarkable thing happened. Someone sent me a link that gave me a 100 day challenge. 

  This challenge was for me to go 100 days and each day post something positive that had happened to me. It was called 100 happy days. I am always up for a challenge so I accepted. First few days I was like this won’t be so hard, but the longer we were trapped indoors the harder the good things were to find. We simply weren’t able to do as much and the days seemed increasingly similar. I carried on. Looking at every gift the days would bring, I would post even the smallest of things that made me smile. As the challenge went on, I noticed it wasn’t as hard to find something that made me happy. The posts came much easier and sometimes I had so many things happen, it was hard to choose from them. By the time I was done with this challenge, I was kinda sad to see it go. I then discovered that so many people really enjoyed seeing the happy positive posts that I had been making. I heard from several people that they followed it because it made them smile as well. I realized that not only had I helped brighten their days, but that my mood and perspective had entirely changed. In looking for the good things to find that happy moment to post, I had in turn starting looking at everything from a much happier place.  I had opened myself to a lot more than I had previously. My whole world seemed brighter and much more promising. I was happy to say I had returned to me once more.

  I decided then I was going to continue posting positively, looking for the good in the world around us and sharing its beauty. I welcomed Instagram and delved into it happily. I tried many different apps in the process.  Then about a year ago, I was told I really, really need to get on Twitter. That I would really have fun talking to people on there.  It is very easy to find likeminded people on Twitter, the person kept trying to convince me.  I, always being one that doesn’t like to do things just because everyone is, was hesitant to hop on the bandwagon. However, an account was created for me anyway and I was encouraged to just try it. So I did. My first post was silly because I had no idea how to start. I remember saying the only thing that came to my mind “Snoochie Boochies” . I giggle to myself thinking about it.  I continued on Twitter what I had started on Facebook, posting positive things. I started dabbling with my own creativity as well. Sharing words I had been inspired to write. Sure enough I began to come across many people who did geek the same things that I do. It WAS much easier to meet people on this platform. I started talking to several people on a daily basis and slowly my list started to grow. I found many dear friends on this site that I would have never discovered without it.  I have found family there, who have become so very important to me. People I love even without having met them. We talk every day, laugh, cry and celebrate together. We encourage each other, hold deep conversations and are free to be our silly, craziest selves. I know now how amazing it is to be able to sit down with someone on the other side of the world and watch a movie together. It is a truly beautiful thing.

  But with all good things there are bad sides as well. There are those you aren’t going to get along with. You have to be prepared for them to express they don’t feel the same way and it may not always be in the most calm fashion. You do have to be aware that there are people out there who don’t always have the best intentions in mind. There are social media dangers. People should always keep such things in the back of their heads. That you may not actually know the person you are talking to.

  Sometimes though, you do come across those genuine people. I have been very blessed to have met some very genuine people that I have embraced as part of my chosen family. One of these beautiful friends is a lady whom I happily call my sister. We talked every day for months and after a while exchanged phone numbers. I can’t tell you how amazing it is hearing someone’s voice when you’ve only ever gotten to imagine it previously. We began to converse this way as well as on line. Our friendship grew and we began to see that even though we have come from different places, we still see the world very similarly. We both want to spread the good out there. We both try and help make positive changes in the world around us. Together we supported each other through many rough times and celebrated many good things as well. After almost a year, we got to Skype and see each other. Technology can be such a wonderful thing especially when you are States a part. The piece de resistance was when, with my husband’s help, she came to visit me here. They surprised me with this as an early birthday present. I was overwhelmed, speechless. (Which anyone who knows me well, will tell you that’s an amazing feat.) I was moved to tears to have her here and as strange as it seems, I was not the least bit nervous. As soon as I saw her I was immediately as comfortable as if I had known her forever, because it really felt as though I had. Those two days that she was here were two days that I will always treasure. I am still completely blown away when I think on it. 

  So even though social media can bring negative things, it can be an amazing gift as well. It can help you keep in touch with loved ones that you don’t always have the time to see. It can help you meet amazing people who make such a difference in your life by simply just being there. You can brighten someone else’s day by sending them a smile, cup of joe or even a virtual hug. There are many good things one can do with social media these days. I feel extremely thankful for the things that I have learned from walking through this online world. Even though not every moment has been amazing, I am thankful for the beautiful, positive souls that I have come across.  My life has changed for the better for having met you. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of yours.

A Nightmare's Dream

In the celebration of Halloween, here is a short story for you. This is what happens when dreams turn to nightmares. 

By Michelle Carr

  I’m in his shirtless muscular arms. My left hand rests gently on his bare skin. His heart pounds beneath my hand, pulsating in tune with mine. My right arm is wrapped around his shoulders caressing the curls at his hairline. He is carrying me. Carrying me like a groom would a bride across the threshold, yet we are merely moving down a sidewalk. It seems strange, I know, but in this perfect moment it seems completely natural, just as everything does when I am with him.  I am incandescently happy, completely at peace and safe in his arms. I look at his face and though now I can’t recall his features, in that moment, I knew him. We were play fighting with each other as we always do. In that way that we know we are kidding but everyone around us thinks we are having it out. I don’t remember what I was teasing him about, but he was giving it back to me equally. I’m trying hard not to laugh at his serious, yet not so serious face.

  Then in a moment everything slows to a pause as we are stopped by two couples standing like statues on the sidewalk. One set was a pair of younger people, very athletic looking, with an almost military air to them. The other couple, two elderly people, stood more relaxed, appearing to be frail and kindly. The older man with a full head of grey white hair and kind grey eyes asked if we were familiar with the area. My love smoothly bent placing my feet down on the sidewalk next to him.  I cautiously yet nicely replied that I was. My inquisitor asked me another question that had to do with finding a mechanic in the area. I cannot remember exactly what he asked, those details didn’t seem important. I knew the answer and I happily gave it to him, smiling broadly the entire time. The older woman didn’t say a word. She just observed us from his side as her partner thanked me profusely and reached out with his right hand to shake mine. I gave him my right hand in turn. His fingers grasped my hand tightly with a surprising amount of strength and shook it sternly. His grey eyes traveled to my tattoo on the inner side of my wrist. His eyes widened. He remarked on it as he transferred my hand into his left and ran the fingers of his right hand over my mark. Cold chills ran throughout my body. I felt strangely uncomfortable at that moment and my senses went on a high alert. I wanted nothing more than to jerk my arm out of his clutches. I forced myself to remain calm on the outside, no need to cause trouble where there was none to be had.

  The elderly man seemed almost hypnotized by my art, I replied emptily to him as I shifted my attention to what was going on around me. The younger couple, who had also now taken notice of my tattoo, exchanged a very knowing glance. Their stances changed to one that was prepared for an attack. I could almost taste their adrenaline as they were now standing on the balls of their feet, ready to fight. I felt my love tense behind me and his hand moved slowly so it now laid across the lower part of my back. This let me know he was preparing for my move as well. His voice, calm and low, remarked sternly to the old man. His words made the wrinkled hands release mine and the elder thanked us both for our kindness. He turned and began to nervously guide his partner away and leaving us with the lingering younger two.

   The young man, who was about our age, approached me and forcibly took ahold of my right wrist. I left out a soft gasp as he roughly twisted my arm so he could see the mark that they hand been all too interested in. He said something about my tattoo that made no sense to me. I struggled to process what he was saying. The words sounded like a bunch of military jargon to me and my mind was not grasping much of it.  What I did get though, was that they were on some hunt for those who carried this similar mark on their skin. I realized then, as his fingernails bore into my skin, that we were in real danger now. Before I could react, he pulled me towards himself, twisting me away from my love. His right hand jabbed roughly into the back of my right ribcage, in that pressure point that once hit, your whole body fills with pain. The pain radiated from that spot and spread quickly over me.  I couldn’t move as my whole body pulsed with an agony that wouldn’t stop. I looked to my right searching for help from my love who was also slowly sinking to his knees. The silent woman had buried the blade of a knife into his side.

 Our eyes met. We looked at each other helplessly. Each seeking help, only to realize that not only could we not help ourselves but that we couldn’t help each other. Then in an instant it all changed. A mutual look of intense anger passed between us. Anger that someone was hurting the one person who meant the most to us. The fact that he was in agony and I couldn’t help, seemed so much more intolerable than the pain of what I was going through. My body used the anger to numb the pain I felt and I pulled the unsuspecting man’s left hand from my wrist. He didn’t see it coming as I grabbed the two outer fingers of his hand in my left and the index and middle with my right.  His flesh felt soft and his hand weak inside my now anger filled clasp. I pulled hard in opposite directions. Not stopping until I felt a pop. He screamed and jerked his hand from clutches. I heard the women scream from the side of me and didn’t have to turn my head to know that she was being dispatched as well.  My opponent stepped back from me holding his injured hand. I regretted not being able to hold on to him. The man called me a Bitch and started to come back at me. I took my fighting stance this time and prepared for an attack. Before he was able to reach me, my love slugged his jaw from his blind spot. Once again our attacker was caught unawares and thrown back. Unfortunately he recovered quickly and pulled a baton looking instrument from his side. The man flipped the baton and it lengthened three times its original size. The two men started to fight back and forth, my love was at the disadvantage being weaponless but that didn’t hold him back. I moved away to ensure that the woman didn’t return to the fight. She appeared to be completely unconscious but alive. She was lucky.

  I looked back towards the two men fighting. I am caught up in the battle, my heart pounds and I am very charged as I watch my love land very harsh blows. Our enemy is not looking very well at this point, blood is pouring from his nose and lips. My excitement is lessened however when I hear a familiar buzzing sound. The sound of electricity. The baton was actually some sort of Taser, its end was now sparking with power. The enemy was trying to hit his mark, my love, with the hot end. Horror filled me as I watched my new fear come to life. The enemy had found his opening and tasered him.  I watched as my heart fell to the ground. Once was not enough apparently and to keep him from getting up, the enemy continued to taser his bare skin repeatedly.  Damn fucking taser. My throat clinched and tears started to form in my eyes. This was not happening. My love was writhing on the ground in pain, unable to stop himself, he cried out to me.   My fists clinched themselves at my sides. I felt something inside me break. He had called for me. He didn’t want to, but he did. All of the control that I had worked so hard for was lost as my crazy came into play. I ran towards this monster in a blinding white rage. I don’t even know what I had done to move him away from the part of my heart that was lying motionless on the ground. I just remember leaping and using everything I had in me to keep him away from the one person who meant the world to me. Somehow in our wrestling, I retrieved the baton taser from him. Using all the fury I had inside of me, I backhanded him across the face with it. Blood sprayed through the air landing hot on my skin, as his face jerked back. My strike caused him to fall over backwards, hitting the ground quite hard. My fury was yet to be satisfied. I lit up his weapon of choice. Placing the hot end against his bare skin, I held it there. I could smell his flesh starting to burn and I pulled it away only to move it to a new area. He stopped making any sounds and his body only moved when I injected it with the volts.  I couldn’t stop myself. He had to be finished he couldn’t be allowed back up. I switched off the power and began to beat him.  My swings never once losing their intensity, as I struck him over and over. The sickening sound of his bones breaking under my swings was strangely soothing. Visions of the one person I cared about in pain, flashed through my head.  I no longer saw my enemy. I didn’t see that fact that his face was now an unrecognizable bloody pulp. I no longer felt the hot blood that I was drenched in. I heard a voice behind me but it didn’t make sense. I couldn’t register anything else but this heat that flowed through my veins.  I kept right on going. Then a strong arm wrapped around my waist and moved me backwards. It pulled me away from my victim. I screamed in rage. Even though part of me was pretty sure that the still figure was now no longer with us, my fight was not yet over.  My love’s lips were near my ear telling me that it was over and I could stop now. He kept repeating the words to me as he wrapped his arms around me pinning my still fighting arms down. Hysterical sobs racked my body, apparently they had been for a while but I was no longer aware of my actions. I fought to get away from the grip that held me so I could continue to go after my target. The rage inside was not about to be calmed.

  “Stop, stop. It’s done. You can stop now.” He kept repeating to me as he pried the baton from my hands and threw it far away. Without thinking, I struck at him. My love grabbed my hand, said my name and forcibly turned me so that I faced him. My mind still wasn’t processing the fact that the fight was over and we were the victors. I fought my love then, hitting him with my fists as I fell to my knees in tears. Sinking down, he joined me trying his best to hold onto me through my weakened blows. His hands cupped my face and brought it to his. My burning forehead pressed against his cool one. It was then that he calmly said my name and told me to stop. His eyes held mine and my anger began to dissipate into solace. I felt my calm returning as I could see that he was indeed ok.  My sobs turned to those of relief as he softly as he kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him tightly for the fear of losing him was still so great. I couldn’t let him go. I needed to feel him solid and alive, his heart beating next to mine. Sensing my need to have him near, he held me just as tightly until we both had gathered our wits about us. I pulled my head back and looked into his eyes once more, this time I smiled. He gently wiped at the drying blood on my face only to succeed in smearing it. He then smiled wickedly, reflecting my insane grin. All was now right. We stood slowly together, our eyes never leaving one another’s. Slowly we walked over our victims not even giving them another glance. Our laughter from before recommenced as we left the bloody scene together. Leaving behind our now silent mayhem.

Credit to Kelly Delay for the beautiful image

Mute

By Michelle Carr

One thing that I hold true when it comes to any form of art, is that if you do it from your heart it will be beautiful. Not everyone may see its beauty, but those that do will take it and treasure it greatly. Art is a way of expressing yourself. Good or bad, it is how any artist expresses the emotions they feel inside. To truly create is to get in touch with that inner part of you, open it up and allow it to flow from you. I often picture it as ripping open your chest, pulling out your heart and holding it out for the world to see. It is when a person can do this that I really feel their art has the biggest effect on others.

   I know from experience that this is not an easy practice to allow yourself to do. To allow yourself to open up in such a raw way is hard.  It is very scary putting such personal feelings out there. Terrifying that you are sharing something too personal, something that could be misinterpreted and most definitely something that will be judged. Dealing with any of these things is never easy, but to hold back and to not express things that weigh heavily on your heart is not a way to live. As someone who expresses myself through words, I know I feel miserable until I can lay it all out on paper. Though sometimes it takes a few tries to dig deep enough to get out exactly what you are trying to express, once done, there is a relief there.

  What I have found to be the most frustrating thing of this artistic process is when someone is told they shouldn’t have expressed their feelings in such a way. That even if you were feeling like that you shouldn’t put it into your art or create what is was that you created. This makes me take a very long pause. Because really? Are we really going back to a place where we have to get permission as to what to write, draw, paint, sing and create? Should art really be muted if there is a fear that someone won’t like what you have to say? I can’t help but feel that it wouldn’t really be considered art in any form if you only created what someone else told you was appropriate to make. How does anyone know exactly what the artist intended with their work unless they ask them personally? A true teacher shows people where to look but doesn’t tell them the answers to their questions.  Art is as such. The beauty of it being that it can be interpreted in so many different ways. One person can look at it one way and even relate to it, and then someone else can come along and do the same but see it from an entirely different prospective. It all relies on the person themselves on how the art is received. So how can any one person say that a piece of art, created from the heart, is wrong?

  Would one really go to Jane Austin and tell her not to write her stories that mirrored parts of her own heartache? I am sure as beautifully written as her novels were, that there were parts that brought memories and I am sure pain to those who recognized themselves in her words. Would one really approach Jared Leto and tell him he shouldn’t write or sing The Kill?  This song that changed the lives of those three men in 30 Seconds to Mars and countless others, for the better. Because heaven forbid that in him expressing his pain it could have a hurtful effect on the person that made him feel that way. I know these things happen every day, people telling an artist you can’t do that, it could offend someone. However, if we live our lives in pause because of the “if’s”, nothing would ever change.  Artists in every shape and form are the voice of the people. They are the ones who help people to realize that they are not alone. That in relating to whatever art that was shared, people know that they too can make a change. Artists help people see what may not have been so obvious to everyone else. They are the ones who aren’t afraid to say no this isn’t right. We need to change this. They have the passion and the ability to bring people’s attention to the things in this world that need to be seen. How could we dare to gag this voice?

   Now there are some of you that I’m sure will play the devil’s advocate. You could be taking this all to an extreme and wonder if I then mean to allow all acts done in the name of art, to be tolerated. Like everything else in this world, this matter is not just black and white.  Though I feel everyone has the right to express their feelings through art, I don’t believe certain lines should be crossed. If your work endangers someone or puts their life in harm’s way without their ADULT consent, I believe it is wrong. No mass or serial killings are meant condoned by this blog for the sake of art. Nor the exploiting of human rights. To me, common sense would tell you, that I’m not saying we should allow things such as child pornography to fall under this category of art but I have met a few people who would take this to that extreme meaning. I am also not saying that we create whatever we want completely careless of others feelings. Because I for one, care very much about how my words affect people. But I am saying these concerns shouldn’t hinder us from creating something meaningful that stems from our passions. If you are really good at what you do, you will know how to express yourself with a finesse which can make all the difference in such matters.

    Art, when done well, points you in the right direction but allows you to find your own answers. Art opens your mind, teaches and makes you question. Art can comfort, heal and bring you joy. Art is beautiful in every form. Though you may not agree with what is said or shown its okay, the amazing part is that you allowed yourself to be open to it. Someone else will come along and it will make perfect sense to them. It could be exactly what they needed. They will get it, because on some level they understand and can see the beauty of what was shared. These people are the ones for which the artists continue to bare their hearts. It is for those who get it, that they go on ignoring the ones who try and silence them. For those of you that love to create, please continue to do so, the world needs you no matter how little of a difference you feel that you make. And for those of you that help me to continue on, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You may never fully know how much you mean to me.  Because of you, I won’t allow anyone to hit my mute. 

Me Being Me

By: Michelle Carr

  If you were to ask me what word I hear the most when people describe me, it is NICE. “You are so nice, and sweet.” Most times it is said with a tone that implies I could never be thought to be the slightest bit unkind. That I’m so nice, I would be one of the first people to die during a zombie apocalypse because I would be TOO nice to kill even a zombie. (Please quite trying to bite me Mr. Zombie. I don’t like that. *giggles*)  And while it feels amazingly good to be thought of as nice (I do so strive to be kind to everyone), I feel there are a lot of misconceptions that go along with it.

  I feel like I’m looked at sometimes as being somewhat fake, or not real. Because who could be real and possibly care this much about hurting others? Who honestly takes the time to cool off before approaching a situation that makes them angry so that they don’t use words they don’t mean to try and prove their point? Who goes through life trying to keep love in their words instead of anger? Who seeks peace instead of the fight? Does doing these things, trying to live a life of compassion, understanding and not anger or negativity make me any less REAL? NO, I don’t believe they do. I decided a long time ago that I wanted to be someone who was kind, who made people feel good about themselves. I choose to try and look for the good in others. I wanted to build people up, not tear them down. I have never understood the need to make someone feel lower than you are. I have never understood the need to destroy someone. I am not one who goes looking for a fight. I am not one who starts fights just to feel … whatever. I don’t like myself when I’m angry. I don’t like that person.  I can’t think as clearly or say what I am trying to really convey when I am as such.  I can’t imagine that a lot of people enjoy feeling angry. It’s not a good feeling to hold that rage inside, it’s not a good feeling to let it loose on anyone either. So because of this, I don’t like to be the cause of another’s anger either.

    I can remember being a kid and not caring one iota of what someone looked like or what they were wearing, or even who they were friends with. I remember just wanting to play, and it didn’t matter with whom, I played with everyone. So I did just that, played and laughed without any judging. Sometimes fighting over sharing issues ‘cause we were kids, but mainly it was good old fashion fun. It was innocent, beautiful and pure. Then at some point, I think for me it was around the fifth grade there was a shift. People started grouping into clicks that weren’t open to everyone. This kinda confused me because I never understood why you would feel the need to separate like that. So I just did my own thing. Tried to be friends with everyone, just as I had always done. All through high school I kept on this same path.  I did have people I hung with every day, but I was also friends with whomever else was interested in being friends with me. I remained that girl who didn’t care what you looked like or what you had. It had always been how you treated me and others and remains as such today.  I am interested in the person you are on the inside. I very much want to hold on to that little girl’s compassion toward others that everyone is worthy of my kindness.

  But then I run into those who view my being nice as a weakness, they think of me as timid or someone they can walk on. This is a complete misconception. I am very laid back, being that it does take quite a bit to get me to an anger point. Though that by no means makes me timid or weak. I can get angry just like everyone else and when it comes to standing up for what I believe in, I am one of the strongest people you will meet. I am very capable of putting up a fight when I need to. I simply chose to do so selectively and not let every little thing get me to a boiling point. I live my life in a way that most disagreements are settled in discussions. When I am angry I allow myself to cool down so that I can approach things from a calmer more intellectual and compassionate place. I don’t believe this makes me weak by any means. Being able to control myself and not blindly succumb to my emotions, makes me feel like a stronger person.  Likewise, I do not allow myself to be walked on. I will give and give and give some more. I am more than willing to lend a helping hand and ask for nothing in return. I am happy to do so, this is me. But if I start to feel that my efforts aren’t appreciated, my work disrespected or that I am being used then I am done. I will still be there if you ever really need me but I won’t eagerly help with everything you need as I would have before.

   On the opposite side, I know I’m not perfect. I know that I have hurt others with my words. And though I try not to let it, the anger can over take me at times.  This is still a work in progress with me. Something I work very hard to control. And I know that I can’t walk through life without making people angry at me, especially since I choose not to live in the box of conformity. I know that there will always be someone that doesn’t understand me or agree with me and that’s fine. Just because I’m not like you doesn’t make me any less me. We are made to be different, our differences make us beautiful. This nice but very strong person accepts that fact. I know there will be those who don’t take the time to get to know the real me, yet will offer their opinions of my actions. And I know that nothing I say will change their minds. I know that all I can do is continue to be the person I really am, the person who I am happy with being. Those who truly care, will love me for me and not try to make me be something that I am not.

  Being real to me means mainly being comfortable with yourself and your actions. Being true to that the inner voice inside of you and listening to it.  It’s being honest, not necessarily brutally honest because seriously who wants to live in the Candor Faction where there is no thought to anyone’s feelings? But still honest all the same. It’s about being happy with who you are and saying you know what, this is me. Take it or leave it this is what you get. It’s saying hey I do this, I’m not perfect and I accept that. I accept that I’m a work in progress and I am open to change. Being real is being able to look at yourself, admitting to the things you’ve done wrong and being willing to fix it if need be. Being real is very simply put, just being you. Because there is no one in the world like you and there is someone or maybe many someones who need you and the person that YOU are. Don’t be afraid to let your inner light shine, even if it is misunderstood. There is someone out there who will need your light.

Setting Myself on Fire

By Michelle Carr

I’m not perfect.

I am going to make mistakes.

I am and forever will be a work in progress.

I know that no matter how hard I try, there are somethings that I am just not going to excel at.

I know that I am not always sunshine and rainbows to be around. I can be sad and moody too.

I have lazy days where I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything.

I do forget things from time to time.

I do find myself running late to things even when it’s only me going.

I have absolutely horrible handwriting.

I have my millions of blonde moments.

I hold a great love for words but I’m not always able to speak.

I don’t always find the right words to express how I feel. (Especially when I am emotionally overloaded.)

I admit, that sometimes in my wiliness to help everyone, I find that I can’t do everything I said I would.

I have times when I let my anger get the best of me.

I have hurt those I care most about.

But…

I know how to apologize. People aren’t usually able to stay mad at me for long. I give the best hugs.

I try my best to release my anger in healthy forms, like running, writing, art, singing and killing people in video games.

I am always here to help when people need me. I am more than willing to lend a hand.

I know that once I process things, I can find the words I need.  I can usually write down what I feel much easier than saying it. My words flow easily on paper.

I know sometimes it’s best to remain silent.

I have found that my silly moments often give me a chance to have a good laugh at myself.

I have heard some people say the most intelligent creative people have the worst handwriting.

I might be late but I make up for it once I’m there.

I keep all sorts of lists to help me remember what I need to do. This is so my crazy brain doesn’t have to keep it all under wraps.

I have learned it is ok to relax. Keeping busy is fun, but chill days are also important.

I know my dark days are normally few and far between. Even during those days, if you see me on them, I’m still gonna give you a smile. Try to make you laugh.

I am still determined to continue trying even if I do not excel in something. This is especially the case if it is something I love doing. I love a good challenge.

I am always willing to learn. The day I stop learning should be the day that I am no longer here.

I believe mistakes help me learn the right way to do things.

I feel that perfection is far too hard to achieve and impossible to maintain. It is way overrated!

I have learned that one of the hardest things to do in this world is be okay with who you are. Make sure if you are going to set yourself on fire that you are prepared to rise from the ashes anew. It is important to be able to love yourself beyond your imperfections. When you can love yourself, you can allow others to love you as well.